Monkees vs. Macheen: “Monstrous Monkee Mash”

“What an episode! I’ve never felt this way before!”

Boo! Welcome to the recap for “Monstrous Monkee Mash.” The name is a tribute to the novelty song, “Monster Mash,” written by Bobby Pickett and Leonard L. Capizzi, released in 1962. In that song, Bobby Pickett imitates Boris Karloff and tells the story of a mad scientist, whose monster rises up from the slab and creates a new dance sensation. Micky did his own Boris Karloff impression in “A Coffin Too Frequent.”

I have mentioned that I love these spooky themed-episodes, which would include “Monkee See, Monkee Die,” “I Was a Teenage Monster,” “The Case of the Missing Monkee,” “A Coffin Too Frequent,” and this one. The plot for “Monstrous Monkees Mash” is nothing special, but there are some unusual moments, editing tricks, and some other self-referential jokes. And of course it’s packed with pop-culture allusions. “Monstrous Monkee Mash” first aired January 22, 1968 and the opening credits tell us the director was James Frawley and writers were Neil Burstyn and David Panich.

The episode creeps in with a shot of the same spooky house used for the exterior shots in “Monkee See, Monkee Die,” but this time includes a flash of lightning effect. Lorelei, played by the gorgeous Arlene Martel (She was also Madame in “The Spy Who Came in from the Cool.”), leads Davy into the mansion library. She’s wearing all black, white face powder, and blood red lips. I had no idea Davy liked the Vampira type. A spooky but fun score accompanies this scene and the entire episode. Davy compliments the painting of the green-skinned vampire, which is clearly a real person standing in a frame. He goes over to the little toy bat on the desk and pulls its string. “I want to drink your blood,” says the bat in James Frawley’s voice. Davy wants to get the hell out of there, but Lorelei places a large gold necklace around his neck and kisses him. (It would have been fun if it had been the same “magic locket” from “Fairy Tale”.) There’s a “pop” sound, and Davy’s hypnotized!

The Count steps out of the painting and reveals their plan: Davy will become Dracula reborn. They express their excitement with evil laughter. Bwha-ha-ha ha! This episode is a tribute to the Universal Studios movie monsters from the classic horror and sci-fi films made in the 1920-1950s, featuring the iconic Dracula, Frankenstein, The Mummy, The Wolf Man, The Invisible Man, and others. These also included comedies, such as Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein and Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy, etc. Abbott and Costello were an influence on The Monkees comedy style. Lon Chaney Jr., who was a guest star in “The Monkees in a Ghost Town,” starred in nearly 20 of these films and was Universal’s lead monster movie actor in the 1940s. His father, Lon Chaney, was in the two films that began this phenomenon, The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1923) and The Phantom of the Opera (1925).

At the Monkee’s house, Mike, Micky, and Peter notice that Davy isn’t back from visiting his new girlfriend yet. Mike calls Lorelei’s number but all they get is an earful of evil laughter. Mike comes to the conclusion they need to go help Davy. Peter and Micky have a better idea; they hide under a blanket.

Back at the mansion, the count gives Davy lessons on being a vampire, including making him drink tomato juice to “get used to the color.” Davy’s feelings are summed up as, “Blood, bleh!” He gives Davy a Dracula cape, and Davy flies around, suspended on obvious black wires until he crashes into the wall. Peter, Mike, and Micky show up at the scary mansion and pull a large doorbell rope that’s an homage to the bell the Addams family pulled to summon Lurch. (You rang?) The Count and Lorelei invite them in, and then they leave the Monkees alone in the library and pop into the picture frame to eavesdrop.

Now, we get to the trippiest scene in the episode, thanks to the editing. There’s a random behind-the-scenes moment of Micky showing the director his medium and small “scare.” Mike finds the book on how to become a vampire. Peter takes a look and carries on about how he’s sure he’s seen the vampire pictured in the book before. (The audience can see it’s the Count.) The Count figures that Peter’s not-so-sharp brain is perfect for “the monster.” Micky flusters Mike with a comically self-centered panic attack, thinking the book applies to him personally. Throughout all this, there’s lots of quick cuts to the pictures of the Count in the book and various shots of the actual count, using the very fast editing style that they used in “Monkees on the Wheel,” “Monkees Watch Their Feet,” and “The Frodis Caper.” Besides making me dizzy, these quick cuts make the scene a standout. With just the dialogue and action alone, it wouldn’t be as interesting.

That would have been a very creepy Morticia Addams-type line to say, but with Peter’s delivery it’s adorable instead. Mike catches on that the Count is the same as the vampire in the book. He pulls Micky and Peter close to tell them his plan. Lorelei gets a pen and notebook to spy from inside the portrait. Mike suggests they act like everything is fine, while Peter goes to search the house. Peter quite wisely doesn’t want to, so Mike and Micky go to search the house, squeezing through the library door Stooges-style.

In the basement of the mansion, Davy is chained to the wall while he chats with The Wolfman, played by Monkees stand-in David Pearl. Davy convinces The Wolfman he’s being treated badly by the other monsters. In a cute reference to the Universal monster movies, Davy points out that the Wolf Man made over 30 movies with Dracula and never even got second billing. The wound-up Wolfman growls and menaces Lorelei when she enters the basement, so Davy translates his demands, “He wants a better percentage of the profits, he wants cook-outs on weekends, and he wants to play his own music.” Nice meta-comment on that last demand.

Lorelei pops into the library with Peter and they repeat the same “What a kiss!/It’s not my kiss, it is the necklace!” dialogue from earlier, and now he’s hypnotized. The Wolfman enters and wants to carry Peter off, so The Count distracts him with his “magic powers”– hot dogs on a string. “I love hot dogs!” declares the Wolf Man. So dumb, yet so funny. The Count and Lorelei lead Peter away for a good old fashioned brain swapping. This didn’t work out so well for the mad scientist in “I Was a Teenage Monster.”

Mike looks around the mansion while Micky holds his hand and crouches over like a little kid. The Mummy approaches them but instead of fearing him, they admonish him for being so dirty. Suddenly scared again, Micky makes a selfish suggestion to forget Davy and form a trio. They go back to the library and find Peter’s also missing (He’s gone!). Micky’s already moved on to forming a duo, and if Mike vanishes he’ll go solo. He sings, “Here I come, walking down the street…I get the funniest looks…”

Mike and Micky tiptoe around the hallway, unaware that the Wolfman is following them. Mike finds a “secret door” and excitedly walks through it. Micky turns around to tell The Wolfman “You oughta get a haircut, they won’t let you into Disneyland.” He realizes he’s talking to a monster and runs back into the library. Micky performs a classic Monkees-scramble to fast music, piling furniture against the door to keep the Wolfman out. Lorelei appears and the two of them repeat the kiss/necklace joke for the third time, until he gets to “What a necklace!” and Lorelei cuts him off with, “Oh, shut up.” [Cute. – Editor’s Note] Nice crescendo for that repeated gag. Lorelei tells the Wolfman he can have Micky. The Wolfman opens the door out so the furniture was never blocking his access to the library. Hee hee.

In the basement, Mike is impressed with the level of creepiness until he realizes he’s alone. He opens the sarcophagus and finds the Mummy. Creeped-out but still polite, he apologizes, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know this was occupied” and runs back upstairs to hide in the library portrait. Lorelei and The Count enter and start discussing their plans so Mike spies on them this time, using Lorelei’s pen and notebook. The ghoulish family intends to take Peter to the underground crypt with the monster and put his brain into the body of the Monster. They keep mixing up whose brain is going where, until Mike finally has to break out and ask for an eraser. The Count obliges. Heh.

Downstairs, Micky and Davy are both chained to the wall and they worry about their future as monsters. They fantasize about what it will be like and pop into Dracula/Wolfman costumes. Davy does a passable Transylvanian accent while Micky’s wolf man sounds like iconic disc jockey Wolfman Jack. Davy thinks they need a girl so he can bite her neck. Micky howls to attract a female, and Monkees extra Valerie Kairys answers his call.

Unfortunately for Davy, The Count interrupts them before any biting occurs. They’re confused about what he’s doing since it’s their “typical Monkees fantasy sequence,” and they analyze that part of the show for him, as Mike analyzed the tag sequence in “Monkees on the Wheel.” Basically, in a Monkees fantasy sequence, they’re in control and allowed to be and do whatever they want. The Count lays it out for them, “It seems this show is different!” He proves it by telling them to take off their makeup. They can’t! They break the fourth wall to call the makeup and prop department for help, but no one shows up. The Count is suddenly in a director’s chair with a cameraman nearby. He declares, “And I control you anytime I want to simply by thinking about it!” Thoroughly in charge, he orders the Wolfman to chain them back up and proceed with the operation. As the Count said, this show is different, and they’ve broken down and re-imagined their own format!

One thing about Ron Masak’s performance as the count: He shouts all of his lines. It’s over-the-top, even for The Monkees. My guess is that he’s doing an imitation of the television “Horror Host,” the kind that presents old horror films and makes jokes in between commercial breaks. This is a television trend that started when Screen Gems licensed 52 Universal horror films in 1957 and encouraged the use of hosts for the nationally-syndicated program, Shock Theater. Examples of hosts would be Vampira, Zacherley, Elvira, and, more recently, Svengoolie.

Here comes Mike to the rescue. But first he performs some awesome physical comedy. He gets to the basement steps, sneaking around in the most obvious way possible. Once he’s confident there’s no one around, he starts in with the manly strut and…he falls down the stairs. He hears the Count coming and hides in the sarcophagus with the Mummy. Cozy!

The Count gets ready for the brain transfer and breaks the fourth wall to mention the obvious fake backdrop behind him. Funny, I was thinking the same thing. It’s nice that it occurred to them their audience was observant. Mike sneaks out of the sarcophagus wearing the Mummy’s bandages. The Count calls on the Mummy-man for assistance, so Mike pretends to be the Mummy, shouting “Mummy!” at the Wolfman. The Count begins the operation, while Mike does his best Igor impression. The Count holds up and identifies a tool as a scalpel. Mike corrects him that it’s a bone chisel and, “it’s used to split!” He grabs the operating table with “Peter” on it and proceeds to “split.” Bad pun, but funny anyway.

Mike wheels “Peter” into the dungeon and frees Micky and Davy from the wall chains. The Count catches on that Mike tricked him, but Lorelei gleefully reminds him they still “control the others” with their thought waves. The Count summons Micky, who “attacks” by gnawing on Mike’s hand. This is a call back gag to “Don’t Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth” when Micky turned into a werewolf, and Mike salted his hand and offered it to him. Next, the Count uses his powers to make Davy bite Mike’s neck. This is getting weird; everyone stop snacking on Mike!

Mike tries to wake Peter for help, but of course Mike has taken the monster, and Peter’s still with the Count. Lorelei reminds the Count that he has the switch that activates the monster. I love Arlene Martel’s sexy/scary Morticia-esque performance in this episode. The Count throws the switch, commenting, “Do you realize the last time I did this, New York went out!” This ignites the romp to “Goin’ Down” (Dolenz, Jones, Tork, Nesmith, and Hildebrand). Monsters and Monkees dance and run around. The best part is Micky-as-Wolfman and the Wolfman fight over a fire hydrant. Ha. The most pointless part is old footage from the first season of The Monkees where the boys jump over a pool in front of the California Mountains.

This is a silly and cheesy but still fun episode. Despite the lack of originality, I can’t dislike something so hilarious, even the dumbest jokes land. This one certainly slides by on style over substance. The guest cast was a scream (pun intended); the Monkees were all charming and funny. The set decoration, the spooky yet bouncy background score, and the mood lighting are perfect, giving it just the right horror movie tribute feel. This is creepy-cute well before Tim Burton, though it obviously owes a lot to The Munsters and The Addams Family. While “Monstrous Monkee Mash” doesn’t have the social commentary factor of “The Monkees Watch Their Feet,” or the hipness of “The Frodis Caper,” it is worth mentioning with those other two because of the comic self-awareness, cool editing tricks, and variations on the traditional Monkees episodes.

David Pearl, who is hilarious in “Monstrous Monkee Mash,” got a credit at the end as the Wolfman, though this is far from his first appearance on The Monkees. Find a complete list of David Pearl’s appearances here.

by Bronwyn Knox

Every couple of weeks, “Monkees vs. Macheen” examines the crazy, spirited, Ben Franks-type world of the Pre-Fab Four: David Jones, Micky Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, and Peter Tork alias The Monkees.

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Monkees vs. Macheen: “The Monkees Watch Their Feet”

“The more days that go by, the more good old days there are to miss.”

“The Monkees Watch Their Feet” a.k.a. “Micky and the Outer Space Creatures” is a standout episode of the second season, mostly because of the unusual story-telling style. Instead of seeing things from the Monkees point of view, the story is done as a documentary (or mockumentary), introduced to us by comedian Pat Paulsen. Like “Fairy Tale,” this is a deviation from the usual format. I imagine that if you had never seen The Monkees before and somehow this episode or “Fairy Tale” was the first you saw, you’d be puzzled. “Monkees Watch Their Feet” is also one of the most subversive of the series. Much of this episode is a commentary on the Red Scare, the war in Vietnam, and the generation gap, expressed both in Paulsen’s narration and in the homage to science fiction movies.

Alex Singer directed “The Monkees Watch Their Feet” and two of my other favorite episodes, “Monkees à la Mode” and “Monkee Mayor.” The scenes with the Monkees were shot in May of 1967, but the narration sections with Pat Paulsen were shot the following September. It makes me wonder if, when they were looking at the May footage, the production team decided they didn’t have much of an episode and needed to add something. Some of the other season two episodes ended up feeling incomplete. Maybe this was one they cared enough about to fix. Coslough Johnson wrote this episode and many other Monkees episodes that I mentioned in previous recaps.

The episode begins with Mike in front of an American flag. “Battle Hymn of the Republic” (Julia Ward Howe, 1861) plays, adapted by Monkees composer Stu Phillips. The flag in the background has only 35 stars, the official flag in 1863. The scene has a very official “State of the Union” address vibe. Mike speaks into the microphone, “Ladies and Gentlemen, this evening RayBert Productions and Screen Gems, with its usual lack of cooperation from the National Broadcasting Company, is pleased to present this special report from the Department of UFO Information. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Secretary of the Department of UFO Information, Mr. Pat Paulsen.” They start right out with a jab at the Network with the “usual lack of cooperation from the National Broadcasting Company.” Unfortunately, that’s all we’re going to get of Mike. (He was recovering from his tonsillectomy during the dates when the initial scenes were shot, according to the book, The Monkees Day-By-Day by Andrew Sandoval.)

Paulsen warns us that aliens are among us and preying upon “the innocence of our youth” (“because they know they’ll try anything.”) This is a common theme in The Monkee series, the joke that adults cannot comprehend teenagers/young adults at all. Throughout Paulsen’s narrative, he uses alien invasion to explain the “strange” behavior of kids. He sets up his “documented film report” and reveals a small film screen upon which we see Micky, Peter, and Davy in their pad. It seems to me that the Monkees are objects rather than subjects in this episode because we see them first on Paulsen’s film screen. This gives the audience a rare detached view of them, seen through Paulsen’s eyes. Note that he addresses the audience, but the Monkees never break the fourth wall in this episode.

Paulsen describes the boys as “three average, typical young American teenagers with their own television series.” The scene moves into the Monkees living room, where they’re getting dressed. That must have been some party, if they left their clothes in the main room. Davy nags the others to hurry so they can start rehearsing. Micky’s clothes vanish with “pop” sound effects, and Davy scolds him that he’s supposed to be putting his clothes on.

Paulsen analyzes the incident of Micky’s missing clothes and blames it on aliens, “Certainly if the intent was to be humorous, it would have been funnier than that. Unless it was a TV show.” His deadpan delivery of these ridiculous lines is excellent. I also enjoy his awkward stammering and physical shtick, contradicting his “Authority Figure” status with the visual of someone who doesn’t even have control over his own body and surroundings.

After the credits, Paulsen begins describing the problems and confusion of being a young adult. He narrates Micky’s life with clips from episodes past. He calls Micky a “teenage millionaire” (Clip of Micky as M.D. from “I’ve Got a Little Song here”), “deeply troubled” (Micky with Brenda in “I was a 99 Pound Weakling,”). He describes the “vague longings and awakenings in his body” (Micky in “Everywhere a Sheik, Sheik” lays in the harem girls’ laps) and “vague awakenings of his mind” (Micky blows raspberries in “It’s a Nice Place to Visit”) There’s some clip of Micky in front of a WWI plane that I don’t recall shown at Paulsen’s line, “Tormented by a war he must fight in a country thousands of miles away.” But even with all this, Paulsen comes to the conclusion that aliens are messing with Micky.

To prove his point, we get a scene on an alien spaceship. The Assistant alien tells her Captain they need to start “Plan D” which is “Disposal of Earthlings through the various means of destruction at our command.” This could be a reference to the infamous 1959 film, Plan 9 from Outer Space, which concerned a plot to take over the world by controlling the undead. The aliens in this episode use a young adult instead of a zombie. This strikes me as a subtle joke that teenagers are easily controlled zombies, through the media and peer pressure [Brilliant, prescient point! – Editor’s note].

Micky walks down the beach while Paulsen narrates the theme lyrics, “Here he comes walking down the beach; He gets the funniest looks from everyone he meets.” Micky finds his missing gear on the trail left for him, including a ladies stocking that Paulsen describes as “an oversight” on the part of the aliens. Snicker. He gets zapped into the alien spaceship as he tries to pick up his drum. Paulsen hilariously mocks the teenage trends of the time, “The young man finds himself in a strange environment. Gone are the psychedelic lights, the ear shattering music, the strangely painted ritualistic dancers. All of the good, solid, peaceful things that, to him, means security and home.” He’s got a point: The spaceship is not all that weird in comparison to the psychedelic ’60s.

Micky is friendly to the aliens, wandering around and admiring their “pad.” He pulls a handle that traps him in a cage. The aliens try to duplicate him. Their first attempt is a gorilla (actually a man in a costume as seen in “Monkees Chow Mein.”) The Assistant, who is clearly the one in charge, tells the Captain to reduce the brain tissue and lower the IQ. This does the trick. She tells the Captain that Robot Micky will spy, while they question the real Micky, who appears stoned inside the alien cage. One flaw in this plot for me, the usually quick and clever Micky is required to be naïve and passive for this to work. On the other hand, this is Paulsen’s view of Micky, not the Monkees point of view so maybe this is his convenient (to the plot) version of him.

Paulsen waves his pointer stick to emphasize his words, comically off-rhythm with himself. (That’s probably harder to execute than you’d think.) He ponders, “Whatever happened to the good old days? Perhaps you figure that the more days that go by, the more good old days there are to miss. That’s tricky thinking and not the answer. Today is not a good old one, because the aliens are causing riots and crime waves, drug addiction, unemployment, etc. They want to put the blame on teenagers.” This is accompanied by a clip of screaming fans from “Monkees on Tour.” Then, and a subversive stab at the Vietnam War and reaction to war protesters:

Paulsen narrates that the aliens made a perfect robot of Micky, except that the robot’s feet are backwards. Robot Micky walks along the beach, where Davy and Peter find him and immediately sense that something’s wrong. Paulsen tells the audience never to give anyone the benefit of the doubt when looking for aliens. Peter and Davy notice the spaceship, but Robot Micky diverts them, smartly suggesting that if they’ve never seen a spaceship before, then how would they recognize one? Peter, “He’s right man. Probably some new drive-in.” Another funny point made. When styles become so “out there,” how would humanity know if something was “off.” An alien landing in Times Square would probably be ignored.

This storyline of Micky being replaced by an alien seems to be a comic homage to Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956), which was about humans who are replaced one-by-one with emotionless alien duplicates. This film could be seen as a warning on the dangers of Communist brainwashing which was the fear at the time, or possibly it was a comment on the House of Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC) Red Scare hysteria. There’s a short breakdown here on the ways sci-fi movies made political commentary on the Red Scare.

At the pad, Robot Micky behaves strangely. He reports back to the aliens through a microphone on his thumb, he thinks the phone is a “Pussycat,” and he tries to ask the fridge out on a date. Davy and Peter point out his odd behavior. When Robot Micky tries to kill them with dynamite, Davy and Peter subdue him, tie him down, and go over his body with a checklist. They discover the backwards feet and surmise that he’s not Micky. Robot Micky’s head swivels around and says, “Klaatu, Barada, Nikto” referencing the 1951 sci-fi film, The Day The Earth Stood Still, another film that, like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, was a commentary on cold war politics. Micky also quotes Forbidden Planet: “My Name is Robbie the Robot.”

Peter and Davy go to the military UFO department for help. There’s a young agent, using binoculars to search for UFO’s and an older man, the Chief, who’s a bit wacky. Peter and Davy tell the Chief their belief that Micky’s been replaced by an alien because his feet are backwards. The Chief asks them to make an official report, but that’s about all the help he offers. As usual, the adults/authority figures are no help. The Chief removes his shoes under the desk and pushes them so the heels are facing forward, so now the Monkees think he’s an alien. The younger agent helps them tie him up. There’s a sight gag throughout the scene that’s tricky to catch in the chaos:

Paulsen admits “Yes, our government’s position on certain matters is unbelievable. Often, the fight against the aliens must be carried out by the citizens alone.” Peter and Davy prepare to do exactly that. They question Robot Micky on the whereabouts of the real Micky and on why the aliens are on earth. Robot Micky keeps replying, “I won’t talk.” Davy pulls a Captain Kirk on him (Kirk’s method of breaking robots and computers just by confusing them with logic). There’s a great shot of all this action from an unusual camera angle.

When Peter accidentally squirts Robot Micky with seltzer, he freaks out and they discover he’s a robot, rather than an alien. In jumpsuits and face shields, Peter and Davy take him apart in order to make him help them find Micky. The close shot of the robot’s tubes and wires look like the same ones Micky used in “Monkee See, Monkee Die” when he tried to repair the radio. After poking in several wrong places, they hit the right one, and Robot Micky agrees to take them to the spaceship to find Micky.

The flying saucer brings them in when Robot Micky repeats, “Klaatu, Barada, Nikto.” Peter, Davy, and Robot Micky pop (with sound effects) onto the ship and reunite with Micky. The aliens and Robot Micky fire lasers at the Monkees and this begins a romp to “Star Collector” (Goffin/King). Sadly, this is a typical romp, nowhere near as clever as the rest of the episode. There’s a notable moment used in the opening when Peter rides a bike around the ship. The one joke I like is when the Grandfather clock (I don’t know why there’s a Grandfather clock on the spaceship, but just go with it.) blows up at exactly midnight and this happens:

In the aftermath, the aliens are passed out on the control panel. Robot Micky apologizes to the Monkees, who invite him to come home with them. With regrets, he tells them he can’t stay because he’s got a little “blender” on Zlotnick. Wow, he really has a thing for kitchen appliances.

Paulsen wraps things up with a mock-serious explanation about the danger of aliens with backward feet in our society, “America, if you let this menace into your midst, you will not know whether you are coming or going.” I was not around yet for the HUAC days, but I’ve assume this is what they’re going after throughout the episode, making commentary on the hearings investigating Hollywood on charges of spreading Communist propaganda. Paulsen is flanked by two uniformed soldiers, and he takes the little flags from his desk and puts them into the soldier’s rifles. For ultimate patriotic affect, no doubt. He wraps things up, “In summation, let me say once more, emphatically, we are being attacked by outer space. The time has come for us to stop sticking our bayonets into each other, and start sticking our bayonets into space.”

Pat Paulsen (July 6, 1927 – April 24, 1997)  is clearly the star of “The Monkees Watch Their Feet.” His performance is a variation of his act that he performed on The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour as a regular guest star. See clips here. As a gag that started on The Smothers Brothers, he ran for president in 1968 on the STAG party ticket (Straight Talking American Government). He ran for president five other times, ending up on the primary ballot several times and occasionally getting a percentage of the votes. Here are two of his campaign slogans, “I’ve upped my standards. Now, up yours” and “If elected, I will win.” And another funny quote, “If either the right wing or the left wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.”

Obviously, I dig this episode a lot. It’s got it all; mockumentary, sci-fi, and political satire. I have to wonder what it would have been like if they hadn’t added the Secretary of the Department of UFO Information scenes later. I’m guessing another weak story that’s a pale copy of an episode from the first season. There’s not much to the plot, let’s face it. With those Paulsen scenes and narration, the style adds to the substance and the episode becomes brilliant comedy. I wonder how this would play for younger people who grew up after the wall came down. Even for me growing up in the 1980’s I still have memories of the paranoia of communism and fear of a war with Russia so this episode strikes a chord with me. I do think that even today there’s plenty of government conspiracy and fear of “others” that makes this all sadly still relevant.

by Bronwyn Knox

Every couple of weeks, “Monkees vs. Macheen” examines the crazy, spirited, Ben Franks-type world of the Pre-Fab Four: David Jones, Micky Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, and Peter Tork alias The Monkees.

Monkees vs Macheen: “Fairy Tale”

“Once Upon a Time, In the Land of Kirshner”

“Fairy Tale” was directed by James Frawley, written by Peter Meyerson, and aired on January 8, 1968. This is a memorable episode, and when you think of the series, this one’s bound to come to mind. It’s funny and unexpected. They break with the regular episode format and the usual premise of them as an out-of work band to show them acting out a comic stage play. I’m all for shows that can experiment and then return to their usual format. The episode takes place on sets with colorful backgrounds, such as ones used in some of the musical performances for “Valleri,” “Words,” and “Papa Gene’s Blues.” The sets are all cardboard and look like they were made for a school play. Instead of the usual poking fun at old movies, this story is a parody of the fairy tale genre, reminiscent of The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends “Fractured Fairy Tale” segments. Most kids watching the show had probably read books of fairy tales many times.

The Town Cryer, played by Regis Cordic, who was also the Doctor in “The Monkees Christmas Show” as the Town Cryer, blows a horn and sets up the story for us, “Once upon a time in Avon-on-Calling…” Avon-on-Calling is a joke referring to the “Avon calling” door-to-door cosmetics sales company and commercials. I remember Avon – both my grandmothers were into it. The Town Cryer introduces Mike the cobbler, Davy the tailor, Micky the innkeeper, and Peter the unemployed. The Cryer continues to narrate that Peter is out of work because he can’t stop dreaming about the princess. The other three advise him to give it up.

Peter plays the underdog role in this one, and he’s the perfect choice, having done it so well in “One Man Shy.” He’s the poor young hopeful hero like the youngest son from “Puss in Boots” who ends up marrying a princess. Speaking of princesses, she’s in a carriage that just so happens to be stuck in the mud in Peter’s little town. Princess Gwen is played by Mike, with a long blonde wig (sideburns fully visible), false eyelashes, and an extremely unpleasant attitude. Mike’s Gwen performance contradicts the expected beautiful, sweet, and virtuous princess. Gee, I wonder if these two kids can work it out.

After the opening titles, Mike as-the-cobbler starts carrying on about what a great-looking chick Mike-as-Gwen is, (“those sideburns, that body”). This gag of Mike lusting after himself happens several times and is weird and funny. The Princess Gwen version of Mike shouts for her knight, Harold, to get her out of the mud. To my amusement, there’s a sign with an arrow helpfully pointing out where the “mud” is supposed to be on the set (as seen on the “title” graphic in this post).

Harold promises his “fair jewel of the east” that he’ll have her out of the mud in a moment. Mike bats false eyelashes at Harold. Just reading the previous sentence makes me laugh. Mike as a “pretty girl” is the funniest way the show could have gone. Micky does crazy things all the time, so if he’d played Gwen it wouldn’t be as unexpected. Davy as “pretty” is a little too obvious. Mike is the perfect choice for maximum comic effect.

Peter offers to carry Gwen out of the mud, but she says she’ll walk across his back instead. That’s a shame: I would’ve loved to have seen Peter Tork carry Michael Nesmith. Gwen warns Harold that if he doesn’t get the carriage out of the mud in 10 minutes, she won’t marry him. She walks across Peter’s back to get back into the carriage, and then Harold steps on Peter to talk to her. Micky pulls Peter out of the “mud,” and Peter kicks the sign in frustration.

Harold and his fellow knight, Richard, go to the Inn and demand food, launching a montage of them eating like savages with twinkly “la la” music playing. Mike and Davy help Micky wait on the unruly knights, giving them a plastic and rubber food feast (but real bread). It gets ridiculous as they start piling furniture on the tables for the knights to eat, and then the gag escalates as they bring lights, stands, and film equipment to the banquet.

Peter hears Harold telling Richard his plan: Richard will lock Gwen in the tower, torture her, kill her, and then Richard will stab himself. What’s in this for Richard? Before Peter can warn Gwen, the knights return to the carriage. Peter supplies his back for them to walk across again. Gwen rewards Peter by giving him her locket (Mike gets it caught in his wig but yanks it out and keeps going in character). They order the horsemen, Ric Klein and David Price, “let’s away!”

Peter tells Micky, Mike, and Davy (innkeeper, cobbler, and tailor) about Harold’s plan to lock Gwen up in a tower with “an impenetrable dragon.” He uses the p-popping trick that he used on the “Peter Percival Patterson’s Pet Pig Porky” track on Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones Ltd. Micky suggests the locket might be of use. Peter disagrees and bites it to demonstrate its cheapness. There’s a puff of smoke and the Fairy of the Locket appears, complete with a Bronx accent and hair half in curlers. They tell her the princess is in trouble. The Fairy identifies her as, “The selfish, conceited, overbearing one, oh, with the Texas accent?” This is classic fairy tale stuff gone goofy: the dragon, the magic locket, the fairy, and the rescue.

The Fairy starts giving orders. She tells Mike to make shoes that will “scale high walls.” Davy is to “sew me a suit of mail that nothing can penetrate.” Micky is supposed to turn a kitchen knife into a sword that can cut through iron. When this is done, Peter will take these things and save the princess. The Fairy tells Peter not to drop, crush or lose the locket. Not because it would lose its magic as Micky assumes but because, “I’ll be killed, stupid; it’s my home.”

Much miming and physical acting to “la-la-la” music as Mike, Micky, and Davy make enchanted objects for Peter. The score to this episode, with all the “La las,” “Uh-huhs,” and “magic lockets”, is funny all by itself and enhances the goofy tone. Peter ends up with chain-mail armor, a prop sword, and (to my amusement) wingtips. Mike, Micky, and Davy push Peter into the forest. Comically contradicting the hero archetype, he is not brave and wants to get out of it, “I don’t even like her anymore.” He suggests, “What about the army, 10,000 strong?” Nice Lord of the Rings reference, Peter. Once he’s on his own, the first person he meets is Davy as Little Red Riding Hood, Micky as Hansel and Davy as Gretel, and then Micky as Goldilocks. These are funny little bits, clashing with the expected image of well-known childhood fairy tale characters.

Peter gets to the castle and approaches the Dragon, who appears to me to be more the Asian New Year’s style than the medieval fantasy I would have expected. Peter is prepared to fight him with his magic sword, but the dragon doesn’t want to play that game. He asks Peter a riddle instead. Director James Frawley supplies the voice of the dragon, “What has two ears, two eyes, and a very short life.” Peter doesn’t know but that’s good enough for the Dragon, who lowers the drawbridge and allows Peter entrance to the castle.

Unfortunately, it’s a trap; Richard is waiting for him. Richard tries hitting him with a mace and club but the score tells us the “magic locket” is protecting Peter. Richard tries beating at him with his sword and shield but nothing hurts Peter. He has this beaming, adorable smile on his face the entire time as Richard is trying to kill him, as only Peter Tork could do. Richard runs off and Peter looks up at a stock footage shot of the Empire State building, identifying it as where the princess must be languishing. (“Languish, languish.”)

Peter does the Batman-style crawl up the wall with his anachronistic wingtips. He gets to the tower and asks Gwen to escape with him through the window, but she’s afraid of heights. Peter says she has nothing to fear because of his magic locket. Gwen realizes she gave him a valuable magic locket and demands it back. Harold and Richard enter the scene, and Harold orders Richard to “Get them.” Richard, showing more logic than his boss, asks, “Why should we do that? They’re already in prison.”

Because he no longer has the luck from the locket, Peter’s sword gets stuck when he tries to defend himself. He asks Gwen to return it, but snarks, “You’re going to fight them with a magic locket? You might as well do a dance to Spring.” The knights pull knives on Peter. Harold promises Gwen a torturous death, so she dumps him. With that, Peter and Gwen are now cellmates.

Back at the inn, the Monkees drink milk, as they did in “Hitting the High Seas.” The Town Cryer announces, while crying, that Peter will be executed. (Mike is mouthing the Cryer’s lines for some reason.) Mike, Micky, and Davy head off through the woods to rescue Peter. After searching for him for three days, they decide to split up. Micky runs into Little Red Riding Hood (Davy), and Davy runs into Goldilocks (Micky).

Nothing quite like a smutty joke in the middle of a fairy tale, eh kids? Micky, Mike, and Davy reach the castle and freak when they see the dragon. The dragon asks the riddle: “What has six eyes, six ears, and a short life?” Sharp-witted Micky quickly figures it out, “Three dumb peasants.” The dragon lowers the drawbridge and the Monkees jump to show the impact, and their jumps are deliberately out of sync with each other.

Gwen is shrieking in the tower as the knights are about to kill her. Mike, Micky, and Davy get up there and the knights and the peasants fight, mixed with footage of knights climbing a castle wall and fighting from some old film that I can’t identify, unfortunately. Gwen is flattered, “Defending my honor, isn’t that groovy? A bunch of long-haired weirdos and some vicious people.” Harold says he’s basically non-violent and Peter agrees, so they arm wrestle instead of sword fight.

Gwen finally tosses the locket back to Peter. Once he has it, Harold and Richard instantly give up the fight. Micky and Mike sing, “Robin men, Robin men, riding through the woods,” their own variation on the theme song to The Adventures of Robin Hood TV series. Gwen offers Peter anything he wants for a reward. Mike, Micky, and Davy prompt Peter to ask her to marry him, especially Mike who goes on about how hot she is again. Peter asks Gwen, but Mike breaks character, takes the wig off, and turns him down, “Yeah, I’m already married, man, Phyllis and Christian and my little kids.”

Mike-the-cobbler ends with, “Well, that wraps up another laugh riot” and reminds us to “Save the Texas Prairie Chicken.” They sing the Monkees theme a capella as they walk off and wave to the camera. The episode proper is followed by a brief interview segment. Bob Rafelson and the other Monkees tease Mike about playing Princess Gwen. He only comments, “I fail to recognize that I really did that you know.”

After this is the performance clip for the song “Daily Nightly” from the album, Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones Ltd. The song was written by Michael Nesmith and the lyrics refer to the Sunset Strip curfew riots from 1966. This same riot was also mentioned in the interview segment for the episode “Find the Monkees.” The lyrics are beautiful and poetic, “Darkened rolling figures move through prisms of no color/Hand in hand, they walk the night/But never know each other.” The song also uses the Moog instrument, as did “Star Collector.” For “Daily Nightly” Micky played the unusual instrument himself. In the book the Monkees Day by Day (Andrew Sandoval, 2005), Peter mentioned that he thought Micky did a better job playing the Moog on “Daily Nightly” then session musician Paul Beaver did on “Star Collector.” According to Tork, instead of trying to play it like a “monophonic musical keyboard,” “Micky just made the Moog stand up and speak in a way that Paul Beaver didn’t have a clue.”

“Fairy Tale” really was a laugh riot, despite Nesmith’s sarcasm. Everyone’s big over-the-top acting suits the visual style with the flat sets and grade school theater costumes etc. There are so many good lines and funny sight gags. Nearly all the dialogue makes me laugh. The Monkees carry most of the comic weight themselves in “Fairy Tale,” playing multiple roles. The best part for me is that the two non-actor Monkees took the lead roles, and they really committed to it. The guest cast did their part to be hilarious as well; the dastardly Harold, and post-modern fairy. “Fairy Tale” was an experiment that worked. It could’ve gone either way when they risked breaking the format, but it paid off in big laughs and a fun premise that kids can relate to, since they most likely know all those common fairy tales. It was fun to see those stories taken apart and played with, Monkees-style.

The episode was obviously, for whatever reason, low budget. It seems to me that the crew and performers used their creativity to make that work for them and came up with hilarious episode.

by Bronwyn Knox

Every couple of weeks, “Monkees vs. Macheen” examines the crazy, spirited, Ben Franks-type world of the Pre-Fab Four: David Jones, Micky Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, and Peter Tork alias The Monkees.

 

Monkees vs Macheen: “The Monkees’ Christmas Show”

“Holy sh–! It’s the attack of Eddie Munster!”

Sooner or later it seems all sitcoms end up doing a “Christmas Show,” or holiday special. This episode, which first aired on Christmas, December 25, 1967, is The Monkees version. It amazes me that it debuted on Christmas day, since these days television shows are on a break and/or in reruns from December through January. The episode is low on adventure and danger, no spies or gangsters. The Monkees nemesis is Melvin, a little boy who hates Christmas. It’s a “slobs vs. snobs” type episode on the order of “One Man Shy,” “Monkees à la Mode,” or “Success Story.” Melvin is a Scrooge-like character, but not because he’s greedy or selfish. He’s simply decided that emotions, good feelings, and fun are not for him [Oh, he’s a Vulcan. – Editor’s Note]. He’s possibly the worst nemesis they ever faced!

The episode starts out with the Monkees pushing their way, Three Stooges style, through the door of a mansion where they’ve been hired (so they think) by a Mrs. Vandersnoot to play a party. The butler is confused by the mention of the party and by the Monkees in general. (Burt Mustin, who played the Butler also played the Tarzan-parody Kimba character in the episode, “Monkees Marooned.”) He exits to alert Mrs. Vandersnoot of their arrival.

Peter wants to buy presents for everyone with the money they expect to make from the gig. Mike requests that he not buy the kind of presents he bought last year, which leads to a little flashback montage. He gave Davy an extremely oversized sports jacket. He bought Micky a chemistry set that turned him into Mr. Hyde and caused him to decapitate poor old Mr. Schneider. For himself, Peter bought an intelligence test that vacillates wildly between genius and total stupidity, until it self-destructs. Mike decided not to open his present until July; it turned out to be snow skis.

Mrs. Vandersnoot enters and clarifies that she hired the Monkees to babysit while she goes off on a cruise. The Monkees want nothing to do with this, until she tells them the pay is $100 a person in advance for the 10 days. Mike is still uncertain, pointing out that “those things take a lot of attention.” Enter the “thing” in question: Melvin, a 10-year old boy, dressed like a little business man. Mrs. Vandersnoot begs her nephew to change his mind and come along with her, but he coldly turns her down, taking Mike’s hand and pulling all the Monkees out of the house. I think Aunty should stay home and find out what’s wrong with her nephew, but then there’d be no story, I suppose.

Little nephew Melvin was played by Butch Patrick, aka Eddie Munster of The Munsters. The Munsters was off the air at the time, having completed its initial run from 1964-1966. The Monkees makeup department went out of their way to make Patrick not look anything like Eddie. He looks to my eye to have been sprayed with a fake tan (could be real tan and maybe old film just made it look that way) and is coming across on my screen as orange. He also has highlighted light brown hair and wears glasses. For his part, Patrick did an acceptable acting job in this episode. I saw the episode a few times as a kid before realizing he was Eddie Munster.

After the opening titles, there’s holiday-sounding incidental music. Stu Phillips really went all out in this episode; the score is prominent throughout. At the Monkees pad, Melvin tells the boys to go about their business; he certainly doesn’t need them to entertain him. The flustered Monkees decide to play music to pass the time. Melvin sees Mike and Peter pick up their instruments and asks, “Isn’t it the height of conformity for both of you to play the same instrument?” They explain that one is a bass, but Melvin doesn’t see the difference. He’s been with them a few minutes and is already causing them to question their value as musicians. Evil.

Mike points out that Melvin’s a kid, and they should play a game with him. They demonstrate “Simple Simon Says.” Melvin asks if he can be Simon. They’re thrilled that he wants to play until he says, “Simple Simon says ‘what is 180 times 3 Divided by 2 minus 7.’” The Monkees struggle to figure it out, using a blackboard, etc. Mike thinks no one could figure that out in their head but Melvin proves him wrong: he turns into a computer for a few seconds and gets the correct answer of 263.

Micky claims he’s good with kids and steps up to entertain him. The childlike Monkees haven’t done that well with kids that we’ve seen. The kids from “Monkee Mother” dominated them and left them tied and gagged. In “Captain Crocodile,” the Crocodile Corp tried to kill the Monkees, though they did eventually win those kids over. The only kid that liked them from the start was precocious and glib Junior Pinter, also from “Captain Crocodile.”

After Micky fails at a few yo-yo tricks, Davy decides to try conversation, asking Melvin if he’s excited to be away from home and staying with the guys. Melvin puts him down, “It would be a lot more exciting if everyone around here didn’t act like such…kids!” The Monkees are better at having fun than he is; that’s for sure. Davy is emotionally wounded and limps back to the bandstand. Mike mutters, “That kid’s cool like a machine, there’s something strange about him…” Melvin turns into the computer again for a moment. Unlike the computer from “Monkee vs. Machine,” Mike can’t break this one in just a few minutes; it takes him the entire episode.

Micky decides they should use “child psychology” Since he’s a rich kid, they’ll take him Christmas shopping. That’s not really psychology. Also, though he is obviously from a rich family, there’s been nothing about him that would signal to the Monkees that he’s spoiled or into shopping and material things. He hasn’t indicated that he wants anything at all other than to be left alone. The extroverted Monkees can’t fathom it.

They take him to the department store, actually that same “ballroom” set that they used and redecorated repeatedly since way back in the first episode, “Royal Flush” where it served as the embassy ballroom. Peter tries out a red bike with a motor and rides around the store, totally out of control. (The salesman is played by Larry Gelman, who was also in “I’ve Got a Little Song Here” as the Director and “Captain Crocodile” as the stage manager.) Peter crashes into the Christmas tree and winds up on a stretcher. The Salesman charges them $320 for damages. After all the property they’ve damaged in these episodes, this is the first time anyone has ever charged them. He adds another $20 for the stretcher. Mike sarcastically cracks that it’s a “carrying charge.”

Back at the pad, a doctor checks on Peter and pronounces him fine. He charges them another $20. The Doctor wishes everyone a merry Christmas, tries to offer Melvin a lollipop, but Melvin declines and the Doctor leaves. Melvin grumps to Mike, “How can anyone seriously discuss Christmas.” Mike doesn’t know how to answer. Melvin asks for “facts.” Peter gives the date, “Well, it’s on Dec. 25. And it’s full of cheer and good light and good will and friendship and fellowship…” Melvin’s not having it. Melvin claims he’s never seen the “Christmas spirit.” [Hard to get into the Christmas spirit when the doctor is charging you twenty bucks. – Editor’s Note] He’s expecting it to be tangible, but Mike describes it as “people walking around smiling to themselves.” Mike asks Melvin to try a smile; Melvin fails at the task. That’s really sad, since he’s just a kid, and we’d like to hope a kid’s life hasn’t been that full of disappointment just yet. He ends up snarling and shouting, “bah, humbug,” much to Mike’s dismay. In case you missed the subtle point the writers were trying to make, Peter and Mike tell the audience the obvious: Melvin needs lessons on Christmas.

The plucky Monkees take Melvin to buy a Christmas tree. Mike tells Melvin about the evergreen branches and their meaning. An old woman approaches and takes the small tree Mike was holding. Proving that Melvin is right about the lack of existing Christmas spirit, she hits Mike with a karate chop to snatch it from him. There are no small trees left, and they can’t afford a big tree, so Mike takes them to the woods to cut one down. He swings the ax at a tree and doesn’t get too far. He just starts convulsing and gets the axe stuck. Peter and Davy go off to buy a tree. Micky comes running, excited about finding “holly and mistletoe.” What he actually found was poison ivy. Forces certainly are conspiring to make the Monkees look like fools in front of Melvin. Even nature doesn’t want them to have a Merry Christmas.

The doctor returns and treats Micky for a $20 case of poison ivy; with that the Monkees are officially broke. Undaunted, Davy shows Melvin how to decorate the tree they bought. He tries to demonstrate that he’s no longer too short to put the star on top of the tree, but he doesn’t quite make it and falls off the ladder, knocking it over. The doctor comes back for Davy and “generously” says they can pay him after Christmas.

Melvin is unimpressed as usual and tells them they’re “killing themselves over something that doesn’t even exist.” Mike finally capitulates, “If you don’t believe in the spirit of Christmas, then it doesn’t exist.” Rather than continue to witness them injuring themselves, Melvin returns to his house, where he has a maid and a butler to watch him. As he leaves, everyone looks sad, especially Melvin. Melvin wants the Monkees to prove him wrong, if they could just figure out how. You’ve got to feel a little sad for both Melvin and the Monkees.

The Monkees are puzzled about how they failed, given the amount of time, energy and money they spent on games, toys, and so on but then Mike realizes that the missing piece was “love.” Which is a bit heavy-handed and sentimental, but it was a Christmas episode after all.

Melvin goes back to his house and finds the butler and maid about to go out for Christmas Eve dinner. He tells them he prefers to be alone and they leave. Melvin sits down and looks into a shiny plate and tries to smile at his reflection. The score is an instrumental version of “Ríu, Ríu, Chíu”. He thinks back on the Monkees smiling faces, takes off his glasses and cries [Yeah, ’cause that’s what everybody wants to see – a child crying. – Editor’s Note].

Melvin pictures himself at the department store again, but in his imagination he plays with the Monkees, dances and has a good time. The score is an instrumental montage of “We wish you a merry Christmas,””Deck the Halls,” “Pop Goes the Weasel,” “Days of Christmas,” and general “la-las” through the scene. Melvin imagines himself actually acting like a kid. He imagines himself back at the Monkees pad, playing by the tree. (The old woman from the tree shop is there for some reason.) Melvin imagines fun with the Monkees that never really happened and continues to cry.

Up on the roof, real fun is on the way! Micky is dressed as Santa, and Davy as his elf in one of Mike’s hats and a “Jolly Green Giant” outfit from “Captain Crocodile.” Micky is reluctant to go down the chimney, but Davy helps him out and they both go crashing down, to Melvin’s surprise. After a fun gag where Micky blows dust on Davy, they give a spirited performance of “Deck the Halls” (with a subversive emphasis on “gay apparel”). Peter and Mike come in the front door with the Christmas tree and join in on the singing. Melvin laughs and cries at the same time. My daughter walks in while I’m working on this and remarks, “They broke him.”

The Monkees brings Melvin’s Aunt back from the cruise somehow. Melvin and his Aunt admit they missed each other but never told each other. They have a tearful embrace. He tells her what a great time he had with the Monkees. Davy and Micky bring over presents for Melvin to open and sit down with them. Mike and Peter stand in the corner and pretend to cry.

The writers didn’t go into Melvin’s back-story at all. His goal is to have no need of anyone, and he respects only facts and figures. On the other hand, he was secretly hoping the Monkees could cheer him up, while at the same time getting all smug when they failed. I think we can guess something about him. He’s living with his aunt instead of his parents so it seems there was a tragedy, death or some other event that took them away from him. He’s afraid to have feelings for anyone or to have any joy in his life, because it will be taken away from him like his parents were. That’s my theory. Whatever it was, I’m glad the writers let the audience fill in the blanks.

Once the episode storyline is over, the Monkees are back at their pad where they perform an a capella version of the Spanish song from the 16 century, “Ríu, Ríu, Chíu.” The song wasn’t originally intended as a Christmas carol but the lyrics mention the nativity of Christ and the Immaculate Conception. (Este que es nascido es El Gran Monarca / Cristo Patriarca de carne vestido /: The one who is born is the Great Monarch/ Christ the Patriarch Clothed in flesh).

After the song, the Monkees bring out the crew to say hello, since some of them would not get home for the holiday season. They introduce cameraman Irving Lippman, wardrobe master Gene Ashman, Jack Williams, the prop-man, Les Fresholtz, the sound man, Monkees stand-ins Ric Klein, David Pearl, David Price, the Monkee Girls (who work in the office and “take care of everything for them”), Gerry Shepard, the editor, and director Jon Anderson, just to name a few. All of this is over the end credits instead of the usual closing theme.

With this version of the credits and the preceding performance, “The Monkees’ Christmas Show” ends with a live variety show feel. The performance of “Ríu, Ríu, Chíu” is the standout moment that made it memorable. I’m not that into sentimental Monkees episodes, but how can I say anything bad about an episode where the Monkees try to help out a lonely kid? That wouldn’t be showing much Christmas spirit (though I’m writing this in October).The Monkees have cheered me up so many times, I can appreciate this story. God rest you merry, gentlemen. (Despite what the butler said.)

by Bronwyn Knox

Every couple of weeks, “Monkees vs. Macheen” examines the crazy, spirited, Ben Franks-type world of the Pre-Fab Four: David Jones, Micky Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, and Peter Tork alias The Monkees.

Monkees vs Macheen: “The Monkees on the Wheel”

“Dolenz’s Four”

“The Monkees on the Wheel” debuted December 11, 1967 and was directed by Jerry Shepard. Shepard was mainly an editor on The Monkees, but he directed “The Monkees Get Out More Dirt.” Episode writer was Coslough Johnson, who wrote “Monkees on the Line” and many more. The episode starts off with a stock footage shot of the Las Vegas strip, and the narrator sets it up [“Submitted for your approval…” – Editor’s Note], “Las Vegas, pleasure capital of the world, where each man seeks the things he loves most.” He repeats the phrase “the things he loves most” a few times, and we see a foreground of a casino. In the background, lecherous Monkees literally chase girls. Mike rubs his hands together as he tries to catch one, and Davy zeros in on a girl’s derriere. It’s pretty darn funny to see, and it sets up a tone that’s bawdier than most episodes. I’m thinking they were going for a Rat Pack, Ocean’s Eleven (1960) vibe on this one, doll-face!

The narrator tells us that some are here to “pursue their greed” and we meet the villains of the week, two gangsters planning a caper. Crooks and gangsters, etc. were the most commonly used opponents of the Monkees. This mini-gang has fixed the roulette wheel to land on 16 red. The Boss (David Astor) gives Biggy (Pepper Davis) instructions on how to win all the money from the casino. He can’t do it himself because he’ll be recognized.

In the main casino, Micky tries to pick up a pretty blonde called Zelda by giving her money for the slot machine. Once again, Micky has poor taste in women: he goes on and on about their endless love while she just wants to win money. When he’s out of coins, she tells him to, “buzz off, Charlie!” and walks away. Micky loses his temper and pulls the handle on the slot machine, winning the jackpot. She runs back to kiss his hand and tell him he has “magic fingers,” interested in him again now that he’s won money. Micky tells the camera, “I thought she only loved me for my money.” This episode is especially cynical. Many of them are and I’ve applauded them for it. In this episode the Monkees are fully participating, instead of being victims of a cynical story line.

Zelda is played by Joy Harmon who we previously saw in “The Picture Frame” as the squeaky-voiced bank teller. If you’ve never seen the film Cool Hand Luke, Harmon has a memorable scene where she washes a car in front of the prisoners. Given the overall girl-ogling tone of this episode, it seems perfectly appropriate to mention it in this recap.

Mike chastises Micky for gambling, “you told me you wouldn’t gamble anymore” while Zelda and Micky pick up the coins. Mike reminds Micky that they need to go play a gig. It’s always nice when they manage to add a line that mentions that the characters are supposed to be musicians. Season two so far hasn’t shown them playing very often as part of the story. Micky absent-mindedly sets his winnings down for a moment on the roulette table, accidentally betting on 16 red.

Biggy missed his chance to place a bet somehow. He gasps when the Manager (I’d call him the dealer but IMDb says “Manager”), Rip Taylor, announces 16 red and Micky wins tons of money. Davy walks up to mention they’re supposed to be rehearsing. Biggy, who looks like a shorter Vic Tayback, tells Micky not to bet and crushes his hand. The three Monkees decide to leave, but Peter comes up and says you should never leave while you’re ahead. That seems like terrible advice but what do I know? I don’t gamble. Biggy tries to place his bet but Peter blocks him, putting Micky’s bet down again. When Micky wins again, the Manager freaks out because he broke the bank.

Back in their room, the gangsters talk about how to get the money back. The Boss tells Biggy to get Della the Decoy. Meanwhile, the Monkees carry Micky’s winnings back to their room on a stretcher. They consider what to spend it on; Mike says they should invest the money in something “worthwhile.” [Nesmith was quite the businessman. – Editor’s Note] There’s a quick montage of Micky, Mike, and Davy picturing hot girls while Peter imagines hugging a stuffed tiger. That was hilarious, and Peter was the only one who got close to his object of desire. Also, could be an allusion to the song, “Cuddly Toy” that’s used later in the episode and the notion of girls as “cuddly toys.”

There’s a knock at the door and Peter lets in Biggy, who’s got a vacuum and poses as the “maintenance man.” Since Davy and Biggy are about the same size, Davy doubts his claim, “Maintenance men don’t come that short.” Peter disagrees that Biggy’s short, “stand up and show him how tall you are.” Of course Biggy comes back with, “I am standing up.”

Next, Della the Decoy walks in the room, dressed in a sexy maid’s costume and the Monkees all go nuts for her. Peter: “Are you the maintenance man too?” Della: “Sure. Don’t you like the way I’m maintained.” The Monkees stumble over each other to try and pick her up. Behind them, Biggy’s making off with the money. Della’s not really a decoy, she’s more like Della the Distraction. Also, we’ve seen the Monkees interested in girls before but it’s usually romantic. We’ve never seen them this out-and-out horny. (Maybe Micky from time to time.) The Monkees make an over-the-top spectacle of being all over Della, instead of acting in character.

Back in the casino, the Manager chews the scenery, going on and on about his aggravation. In every scene that the Manager is in, Rip Taylor hams it up. In contrast, fantastic straight man Dort Clark enters the scene, playing yet another cop (we previously saw him playing cops in “Monkees a la Cart” and “The Picture Frame”). The Manager tells him his story.

The Monkees are still ad-libbing with Della until Davy halts the chaos to let her say her line, but she doesn’t have one. Biggy takes off with the money, and the Monkees realize they’ve been had. They start shouting for the police, who turn up immediately along with the Manager. (Mike sarcastically quips, “What took you so long.) The Policeman tricks Micky into signing a confession and arrests all four Monkees. The Monkees protest that they’re arresting the victim, not the criminal. As they’re led away, there are some unusual close-ups as the Monkees complain about police brutality, etc.

At the police station, the confession is shot with crooked Batman-type angles. The Monkees protest the illegality of this arrest and insist their money was stolen. The Policeman tells them to think of a better story than that, so Mike tells “Jack and the Beanstalk.” This scene (and the entire episode) is reminiscent of the confession scene from “The Picture Frame,” but not as funny. It becomes obvious the Monkees didn’t know the roulette wheel was rigged, so the Manager makes an offer: if they can get the money back in 24 hours he won’t press charges. Our boys are now thoroughly enmeshed in yet another criminal caper.

Back in their room, Mike suggests if they can’t find the crooks, they should get the crooks to find them. Peter suggests, “Why don’t we open a prison?” The other Monkees immediately jump on him for the “stupidity” of that suggestion. But not really; they’re clearly being ‘meta’ and reacting to the stale jokiness of the written dialog. As in the scene with Della, they’re way outside the actual episode and commenting on the story and the writing, not really acting in character to mock Peter. Mike “comes up” with an idea, which we hear as mumble, mumble, rhubarb, rhubarb.

The Monkees enter the casino dressed as gangsters in suits and sunglasses, except Peter who looks more like an accountant. Zelda recognizes Micky but he brushes her off. They step up to the Roulette wheel. Biggy approaches Peter; Micky recognizes him as the hand crusher (but doesn’t recognize him as the Maintenance Man.) Micky disguises his voice; I don’t know what he was going for, but he sounds like Wolfman Jack. He tells Biggy not to bother the Professor (referring to Peter.) Micky identifies himself as the Insidious Strangler and explains his gang is in town for, “Robbery, extortion, and murder.” Mike cuts in “sort of your regular tourist activities.” Except he clearly did NOT say that. It doesn’t match his lips at all and the above line was obviously dubbed in later in Micky’s voice. I can’t read his lips and would love to know what the heck he really said, and why it had to be dubbed over.

Micky identifies Mike as Vicious Killer and says he did two years of solitary confinement, standing on his head. The editors flip a shot of Mike upside down. “The Professor” tells Biggy they’re here to “take over this town and win all the money.” He starts to tell Biggy about his mathematical system, which is almost perfected. Biggy gives him the missing piece: 7+5 equals 12 (not 11). Peter gets excited, “My system is perfect!” Upside down shot of Mike repeating the line “isn’t that dumb.” All of the action above was intercut with shots of Rip Taylor, carrying on behind the roulette table. The Monkee gangsters go see the Boss in his room. Micky has a Three Stooges/James Cagney impression contest with the Boss. I think it’s a draw.

Peter explains his sure-fire gambling “equalization” system by handing Biggy and the Boss each glasses of liquor. Then, Peter does something uncharacteristically savvy: He gets the crooks falling down drunk while he bluffs his way through his “system.” The other three Monkees sit and let the Peter steal the show, cutting in once to ask the audience “Isn’t that dumb?” The crooks pass out and Micky, Mike, and Davy give Peter well-deserved applause. The Monkees look for the money and immediately ruin Peter’s clever plan by setting off an alarm. The Boss drunkenly wakes and decides, “It’s a deal: your system, my money.”

Back in the casino, the fake and real gangsters enter. David Pearl approaches Mike, smacks him in the nose, Three Stooges-style, and says “take this wizard Glick.” Mike tells him he’s not Wizard Glick and Pearl apologizes. He should have smacked Rip Taylor, who was Wizard Glick in the final episode “The Frodis Caper.”

The Policeman approaches Micky and explains he can’t take the stolen money without proof. The “Professor” tells the gangsters to bet 24 red. The Boss is in the casino, even though at the beginning he said he would be recognized (as a crook I suppose). Zelda approaches Micky again and keeps bothering him until he gives her money to play with. Unfortunately 24 red wins, even though the Monkees aim to lose so the Manager can recover his money. Peter bets absurd numbers that don’t exist (87 plaid) and continues to win. Zelda identifies Micky as “Magic Fingers,” outing him to the Boss. The Boss orders Biggy to “get them.”

Romp to “The Door into Summer” (Chip Douglas, Bill Martin), from Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones Ltd. The cast runs around the roulette table. Della the Dish distracts everyone. Davy plays a spinning wheel game and kisses girls. Joy Harmon steals the scenes and looks to be having fun. She pulls all the slot arms, until she gets to Micky. She pumps his arm like he’s a slot machine; Micky grows taller and gives us a lascivious smile. Everyone keeps sneezing over yellow roses that are in the casino. Mike eats the rose petals in a callback gag to “The Picture Frame. The story finishes with the gangster collapsing on the roulette table.

Peter, Mike, and Davy demonstrate the tag sequence, which Mike explains as, “some complete laugh riot at the end of a show.” They demonstrate a “here we go again” tag. Peter and Davy discuss how’ll they’ll never get involved in gambling again and then realize Micky’s missing. Mike cuts in to explain; now they’ll cut over to Micky playing with “the gambling machine.” Micky wins a bunch of slots and he gives his all his money to Della in his hat. He smiles at the camera with his tongue hanging lustfully out as they walk off screen together. While Micky does his thing, there’s these quick-cuts back to Mike, Peter and Davy and Mike saying “and now you cut back to us.” Mike: “And we’re supposed to give a pained look to the camera. Isn’t that funny kids.” Sarcastic laughter. Seems like a fitting way to wrap up this particular episode.

But wait, there’s more! Next is an alternate performance film of “Cuddly Toy” (Harry Nilsson) For this version the Monkees are on stage in vaudeville-inspired striped jackets and straw hats. Davy dances by himself, no Anita Mann this time, while the others play instruments. This is followed by the outtakes from the “Monstrous Monkee Mash” episode, which aired after this episode on January 22, 1968. There are several repeat takes of Mike and Micky in their Werewolf/Mummy costumes trying to get through their dialog. (You can hear James Frawley directing, “Go again.”) Mike can’t say the punch line because he’s laughing so much. On the last one, he finally finishes his sentence and Micky looks confused at the camera.

To me, this episode had a different tone than the others. Some of the jokes were dirtier than usual for a kids show. As a five year old, I wouldn’t have understood it. As a teenager, I loved it for being naughty. It’s also unusual for the amount of fourth-wall breaking. As in “Hillbilly Honeymoon” and “Wild Monkees” they draw a lot of attention to the fact that it is indeed a television show. They reached a point where instead of parodying everything else in Hollywood, they made fun of themselves. The Monkees seem to be rebelling against the format of their very own show when they break down the tag sequence and mock their usual treatment of Peter, etc. They don’t leave the audience out of this; we’re in on the joke. I like this, but I also like it when they’re truly engaged in the story-lines. Fortunately, there were a few more of those episodes left before the series ended.

by Bronwyn Knox

Every couple of weeks, “Monkees vs. Macheen” examines the crazy, spirited, Ben Franks-type world of the Pre-Fab Four: David Jones, Micky Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, and Peter Tork alias The Monkees.

Monkees vs Macheen: “Monkees in Texas”

“Welcome to Videoranch!”

“The Monkees in Texas” places the boys in familiar territory : The Western. The earlier season two episode, “It’s a Nice Place to Visit,” was an excellent parody of film Westerns. “Monkees in Texas,” written by Jack Winter, is aimed at the television Western, and parodies popular shows such as Bonanza and The Lone Ranger. This episode uses anachronisms for the story and comedy – the costumes on the guest cast especially, but also the set and the storyline, are designed as though the Monkees somehow drove back in time to the late 19th century, while they themselves maintain their psychedelic 1960’s style. This is in service of the parody, as TV shows like Gunsmoke  (which aired against The Monkees on the CBS Television Network) took place in the old west. This device also puts the Monkees in a situation where they’re out of place once again.

The Monkees pull up to a house in a desert setting, driving a golf cart instead of the Monkeemobile. For the most part, the sets used in this episode were on the Columbia Ranch. Zilch, A Monkees Podcast recently had an episode packed with information about The Monkees use of these Columbia Ranch sets in various episodes. This particular episode used a part of Columbia Ranch know as” the Berm.” More information can be found here.

Once they get out of the cart, Mike explains to Peter, and the audience, that they’re in Texas at his Aunt Kate’s house. (Michael Nesmith was born in Houston, Texas.) The Monkees hear gunfire and duck for cover. Two women in 19th-century Western costume ride up on horses, and Mike identifies one of them as his aunt. Three masked men in black arrive and shoot at the women while the Monkees run inside to help Mike’s aunt.

The women shoot rifles out the window at the bandits as the Monkees enter the little green house. Aunt Kate greets Mike briefly and tells the Monkees to “grab a rifle.” Of course they all try to grab the same rifle. Aunt Kate clarifies that there’s one for each of them on the rack. There’s a Marx-brothers type scramble when Peter keeps putting the guns back on the rack as the others try to hand them out. The Monkees wind up cocking invisible guns. The younger woman, Lucy, gives them one of those “funniest looks from everyone we meet.” They try again, and each shows off their weapon: Micky, “Winchester seventy-three,” Davy, “Colt forty-five,” Mike, “Smith and Wesson, thirty-eight.” It’s all very faux-manly, except Peter who takes an anti-violence stance with a bottle of champagne, “Vintage sixty-six.”

The Monkees help defend the house, except Peter uses a finger gun and “fires” by saying “bang-bang-bang!” Peter explains to Davy, “Well, I hate violence. Besides I have more shells than you.” (Peter also used a finger-gun in “Monkee See, Monkee Die.”) The lead bandit asks, “Have you had enough, nesters?” Mike corrects them, “The name is Nesmith!,” a callback gag to the times Mike’s name has been mispronounced (“I’ve Got a Little Song Here,” “Monkee Mayor”). Aunt Kate corrects Mike that “nester” means farmer, so Mike politely allows the bandit to go on.

The bandits open fire at the house and Micky comments, “they’re throwing everything at us but the kitchen sink,” setting up the site gag when the bandits roll a flaming sink at the house. After the opening titles, Davy solves the problem by turning on the faucet and letting the water put the flames out. They all cheer Davy. It is pretty amazing since the sink’s not connected to any pipes. The sexist bandits realize, “that ain’t just women” firing at them, and they retreat. The Monkees celebrate and the women stare at them incredulously.

This is the first of two Emmy jokes in the episode. The Emmy’s were given out on June 4, 1967, so by the time this was shot in October of 1967, James Frawley, who directed this episode, had already won the Outstanding Directorial Achievement in Comedy for “Royal Flush” and The Monkees won for outstanding comedy series.

Lucy halts their celebration, “I wouldn’t be too happy about that, they’ll be back.” (Lucy is played by Bonnie Dewberry, who was also Dr. Mendoza’s daughter in “I Was a Teenage Monster.”) Micky, Peter, and Davy are eager to leave Aunt Kate’s now that the gunfight is over. Mike insists that they stay for family loyalty and bravery etc. but mostly because the bandits “killed our golf cart.” They cut to a shot of the golf cart, turned over on its side. Maybe that’s why they didn’t use the Monkeemobile. Micky and Peter go to get some help. Kate advises them to look more “Western” so they’ll fit in better. They don’t like strangers here, and the young Monkees are pretty strange.

Kate explains that Black Bart and his men have been trying to drive her off her land for about a year. The name Black Bart is an allusion to a real life outlaw, who robbed stagecoaches in the late 19th-century. Mike introduces Kate to Davy and then realizes he doesn’t know Lucy, the younger woman. She takes off her bonnet and flusters Mike with a shake of her long blonde hair, giving Mike the setup to be comically awkward.

Mike: “I’m afraid I don’t know this lady here… oh my…”
Aunt Kate: “Don’t you remember your baby cousin Lucy?”
Mike: “Huh? Lu—Lucy! Are you Lu—well, what, well, whatever happened to the buck teeth, the knobby kneed, uh, stringy haired, bad complexion, little girl that I used to hang around with?”
Aunt Kate: “That’s your other cousin, Clara. She still looks the same.”

Micky and Peter’s idea of looking “Western” is a Lone Ranger and Tonto look, parodying the popular Texas Ranger and his Native American friend characters of radio, television, comic books, and films. Micky and Peter are “The Lone Stranger” and “Pronto.” (Looney Tunes also did a Lone Ranger parody, “The Lone Stranger and Porky” in 1939). Peter is unsure of his outfit, as he should be since they both look like they’re wearing little kid’s Halloween costumes. But Micky reassures Peter that he looks very “psychedelic” because of the peace symbol and beads. [“Dirty hippies!” – Editor’s Note]

Micky and Peter enter the Marshall’s office and explain the trouble at Nesmith’s ranch. The Marshall (played by actor James Griffith who appeared in many Western television shows) is unavailable to help because he’s shooting his own TV show, and then has an Emmy dinner—for Emmy reference #2. He suggests they go to a saloon and hire outlaws.

Back at the ranch, Davy spots three men riding towards the house and warns the others. However, Kate identifies the men as friends: The Cartwheels, Ben and his two sons, Mule and Little Moe. This is a parody of the Western TV show Bonanza and the main characters Ben Cartwright and his sons (“Hoss” and “Little Joe”). Cartwheel insists Kate should sell her ranch to him for her “protection” of course. Kate politely turns him down.

Fun dialog moment:

Ben Cartwheel (to Davy): “Hey, uh, water my horse, will you, son?”
Davy: “Water your horse? I’m not a stable boy!”
Ben Cartwheel: “I don’t care about your mental condition; water my horse!”

Micky and Peter enter the saloon as a Western-style version of “The Old Folks at Home” (Stephen Foster) plays. (Davy performed this song in “The Spy Who Came in from the Cool,” and “The Case of the Missing Monkee.”) They get another of those “funny” looks, this time from the bartender. Micky bumps into a mustachioed cowboy at the bar, who is clearly Davy. A saloon girl grabs Micky, who protests with, “Not now, this is a family show!” The bartender is skeptical of this, “Family show?” When Micky and Peter look for hired guns to fight Black Bart, they meet Sneak and Red. There’s a misunderstanding, and Red ends up recruiting Micky and Peter into Black Bart’s gang. (Red is played by Len Lesser, who played George in the Western/gangster-flavored episode “Monkees in a Ghost Town.”)

I’ve seen it noted that the “bubble gum” joke was meant to be a reference to the Monkees “bubble gum” image. Could be, but I’m going to take it a different way. The “family show” joke suggests that the writers/producers make many of the jokes subversive and aimed at adults. With the bubble gum vs. tobacco, Peter ordering milk from the bar, and Micky’s line about the “family show,” and all of the gun violence and the Monkees playing around with the guns pretty much consequence free, they’re making fun of the idea of what a kid’s show is supposed to be. Most recent kid’s shows I’ve watched with my daughter are sanitized and full of “lessons.” No thanks. (Please, no morals.) At the same time, the Monkees act like kids most of the time, and they put kid’s jokes in an adult context, such as real Westerns which tend to be violent and aimed at adults, etc. The contrast makes The Monkees an unusual show. Other shows that pull this off successfully tend to be cartoons like Looney Tunes or Animaniacs.

I’ve been really enjoying this episode so far. These scenes in the saloon are my favorite because of the parody of Western clichés, funny dialog and sight gags, and a brilliant “tough cowboy” performance from Micky. High points include Micky missing the whisky bottle the bartender slings at him, the men with “prices on their heads,” Micky proving that he’s “fast on the draw,” and the excellent straight men: Sneak, Red, and the Bartender.

Peter and Micky hang out in Black Bart’s shack, where Micky plays cards with Red. Sneak busts in and declares that now’s a good time to attack Nesmith’s ranch. Peter sneaks out of the hideout and rides a horse right into the front door of Aunt Kate’s house to announce that Black Bart and his men are coming. When Davy rushes to get help, he accidentally falls on the horse the wrong way and rides it backward. He finds Ben Cartwheel, who instructs Davy to tell Kate he’s coming with his men. Davy makes the return trip backwards too; cool trick on Davy Jones’s part.

Mike digs up a jar of dirt from Kate’s ranch and takes it to the saloon. He asks for the Assayer’s office. The bartender replies, “This is it” and a sign identifying him magically appears. The Assayer/Bartender looks in Mike’s jar with that oft-used giant magnifying glass and tells Mike that the gook in the jar is “crude.” Mike misunderstands and leans in, “Oh. That’s okay, go ahead and tell me anyway.” The Assayer explains that “crude” is oil. Before Mike can leave, the Assayer asks for payment, so Mike puts some of the oil on his hand. Mike was very much like Jimmy Stewart (who, among other films, was in many Westerns) with his polite, unassuming demeanor in that scene.

Black Bart walks into his hideout without his mask, and if the audience didn’t catch on before, he is Ben Cartwheel. Bart wants to know who betrayed them to Kate. Red identifies the “Injun” as the one who went to the ranch. Ignoring the pejorative term for moment, clearly the joke is that Peter looks nothing like a Native American. Micky pretends not to know Peter, but when Bart orders Micky to kill Peter, he admits Peter’s his best friend. Red and Sneak draw guns on Peter and Micky.

A narrator’s voice employs the cliché, “Meanwhile, back at the ranch…” Mike tells Kate she’s going to be rich because of the oil on her property. They wait for the Cartwheels to save the day, but in case they don’t arrive, Mike tries to get John Wayne on the phone, yelling at the operator because, as in “The Prince and the Paupers,” he has trouble working these antiquated phones. It’s also a callback gag to “Monkees in a Ghost Town” when Davy tried to call Marshall Dillon from Gunsmoke. Kate hands rifles to Mike and Davy.

Black Bart and his men arrive at Kate’s ranch. They have Micky and Peter tied up and dressed like part of the gang. Their hands are tied, but they ride the horses away from the bad guys anyway. Bart lets them escape, figuring they can simply “kill them on the other side.” That doesn’t make any sense, but whatever facilitates their escape, I suppose.

Micky and Peter ride up to the ranch and tell Kate and the others that Cartwheel and Black Bart are one in the same. She doesn’t believe it:

Aunt Kate: “Ben Cartwheel’s the kindest millionaire in the whole valley. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
Micky: “Flies, no, but if you’re a human, he’ll kill ya!”

Between not catching on to Black Bart’s true identity, and not noticing that she had oil on her ranch, Aunt Kate is not the sharpest Nesmith. It seems the cycle had been going on for a year before the Monkee arrived: Black Bart and the bandits shoot at the women, and then Ben Cartwheel comes by and offers to buy the ranch. However, Kate wasn’t scared off; she was shooting right back and determined to hold onto her property. The Monkees contribution to moving the story along was brains (and comedy), not tough-guy gun slinging; Mike discovered the oil, and Micky and Peter discovered Black Bart’s true identity.

The good guys run inside, Micky giving Bart a saucy British “two-fingered salute” gesture before he shuts the door. I doubt he meant that as a peace sign, though maybe it passed that way to the censors. The gunfight launches a romp to “Words” (Tommy Boyce/Bobby Hart). It’s a very cartoonish romp, with lots of knocking bad guys on the head. The somber song is pretty, but doesn’t suit the action. Other notable elements are: Davy kisses Lucy for no reason, there’s a cameo shot of photographer Nurit Wilde, and the gun with the “Bang” flag reappears. Once again, despite all the gunfire, the romp allows the Monkees to save the day without anyone getting hurt. Black Bart and his men retreat at the end of the song, riding away from the ranch in defeat.

Oddly, after the romp, the editors stick in the same shot from the beginning of Lucy saying, “I wouldn’t be too happy about that, they’ll be back.” After which, they immediately go into the performance clip of “Goin’ Down” (Dolenz, Jones, Tork, Nesmith, and Hildebrand). This creates an unsatisfying ending. The romp wrapped the story up when the bad guys left; we don’t really need a tag sequence. But it would have been nice if they had done some quick scene instead of repeating Lucy’s line. I wonder if some footage got lost or was unusable.

This is still mostly a fine episode though. The plot was tight and moved along nicely and the writers/producers knew their source material well enough to make it fun. It would almost fit in well with the first season; it’s relatively innocent compared to other Season two episodes as far as all four of the Monkees really committing to the episode. They each had a part to play in the story and they all engage with the plot and don’t mock what they’re doing. The guest cast plays it straight and lets the Monkees be the joke-makers. If it wasn’t for the lack of narrative closure, this might have been one of my favorites.

by Bronwyn Knox

Every couple of weeks, “Monkees vs. Macheen” examines the crazy, spirited, Ben Franks-type world of the Pre-Fab Four: David Jones, Micky Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, and Peter Tork alias The Monkees.

Monkees vs. Macheen: “Hitting the High Seas”

“We’ll scuttle the story and run her a-ground!”

“Hitting the High Seas” was directed by James Frawley and written by Jack Winter, who wrote four other episodes that I listed in my recap for “The Picture Frame.”  Fun note about the title: the book, Monkee Magic by Melanie Mitchell, notes that it’s a pun on hitting the high “C’s,” as in the musical note. This episode is included in The Monkees DVD/VHS “Our Favorite Episodes” as Davy Jones’ favorite. Though the Amazon description of that box set notes this may not be entirely the case as he states “Royal Flush” is his favorite on the DVD box set commentary. Jones gives commentary for this episode as well.

Micky, Davy, and Peter sit in a bar discussing their recent firing from a failed gig. They overhear two sailors, Frank and Harry, discuss an available job. Noam Pitlik, who we saw in an earlier episode, “Everywhere a Sheik, Sheik,” as Shazer, plays Harry. The old sailors describe the perfect men needed for the job, while the Monkees counter with demonstrations of their qualifications. “They’ve got to be strong.” Micky destroys furniture. (Yet he wasn’t able to do so in “Wild Monkees.”) “They’ve got to be able to use their hands.” Davy juggles. “They’ve got to have knowledge of the seven seas.” Peter names random bodies of water. The sailors wonder where to find “hard drinkin’ guys like that.” The Monkees heartily drink their milk. (Yes, milk – it does a body good.) One of the sailors asks, “what about these kids here?” The Monkees magically pop into sailor costumes. Frank and Harry tell the Monkees where and when to meet them if they want the job.

Cut to the sailors on the phone discussing their success in finding the “dumbest suckers” they could. This makes no sense at all because from what we see later, they don’t need the Monkees to execute their plan. Davy Jones mentions on the commentary track that many of the Monkees adventures were about playing the kinds of fantasies kids would have. Pirates would naturally be among kid’s fantasies (I know it was one of mine), so I guess whatever contrivance it takes to get them on the ship will do.

The background music by Stu Phillips is a cheerful sailor cartoon theme. Frank meets all four Monkees on the deck of the ship. Davy Jones mentioned on the commentary that this was a beautiful boat that the four of them actually considered purchasing. The Monkees have no idea how to sail. Frank tosses a million directions at them, and Mike tries to follow along with a book of instructions. Fortunately, someone has labeled the main sail and the ropes needed to adjust it, but they mess it up anyway. Micky, Peter, and Davy get seasick and take pills to cure it. Mike takes one, but like Micky’s bug-attracting insect spray from “Monkees Marooned,” the pill makes him seasick. He goes below deck, never to be seen again.

The Monkees that are still standing meet the Captain, played by Chips Rafferty who, I’m sure was not coincidentally cast as he was in the films The Wackiest Ship in the Army and Mutiny on the Bounty. During roll call he orders them to cut their hair, but they refuse. In response, the Captain plans to have them “keel-hauled and lashed” until Micky identifies Davy as the great-great grandson and heir to Davy Jones’ locker. The Captain is awed to have a Jones on his ship. He lightens the punishment “swabbing the deck” and makes Davy his cabin boy. [“These pipes are CLEEEANN!” – Editor’s note]

Inside the ship, Davy tries to deliver food to the Captain but keeps running into various other fictional captains. First up is Micky, dressed as Captain Ahab from Moby Dick. He also finds Peter as an 18th-century pirate, getting slapped for forcing a kiss on a girl. Micky re-appears as Captain Hornblower and blows a little horn, “groovy, sock it to me, yeah.” Captain Horatio Hornblower was a fictional captain in the Royal Navy during the Napoleonic Wars and was the subject of novels, films, and radio. According to his characteristics listed on Wikipedia, Hornblower was tone deaf, so he probably didn’t play the horn or anything else. Also, like Mike, he tended to get seasick.

Davy finally finds the right Captain, who’s now in conference with his parrot, Horace. He overhears the Captain and the parrot discuss a plan to steal gold. In the commentary, Davy Jones mentions that Micky was the actual voice of the parrot. Davy thinks they’re “crackers.” Nice pun. Hanging out in their bunks, Peter and Micky play and sing a little bit of “Tear the Top Right Off My Head” (Peter Tork) on acoustic guitar. Davy rushes in and tells them his fears about the Captain. On the spot, Davy comes up with an idea for them to sneak into the Captain’s room at night. Micky will imitate the parrot so they can find out more about the Captain’s plan.

Cut to the execution of Davy’s plan. Peter tapes the real parrot’s mouth shut and Micky engages the Captain, pretending to be Horace. The Captain used to be captain of a ship called the Queen Anne, and he wants to rob it in revenge for being kicked off the ship. Next day on deck, Micky tries to brush this off as just a fantasy the Captain has created to compensate in his mind for his childhood frustrations. Davy mentions in the commentary that Micky made those lines up. The script just said they should be “talking” so they improvised their own dialogue [Now that’s some solid professional television writing! – Editor’s Note]. The Captain appears on deck in a Jolly Roger hat and pirate costume, and the rest of the crew are suddenly dressed as Hollywood pirates. They hoist the Jolly Roger and reveal the canons. Micky tries to convince himself that the Monkees are now the ones trapped in a fantasy.

Maybe there’s something in that. What if the entire series was just a fantasy in the four Monkees minds, created to compensate for their failure to make it as a band? All the crazy things never really happened; they just imagined being chased by space aliens, international spies, and bank robbers and tangling with corrupt royalty, con-men, and mad scientists. Not to mention the Devil himself. Now that’s a trip!

The Captain shares his plan to rob the Queen Anne of Gold bullion. The Monkees are now in their own version of pirate costumes. My daughter pointed out that they look like Halloween costumes for little kids. (She keeps going on in adoration of Davy’s hat.) There is something very Peter Pan and the Lost Boys about this whole story. The Captain proclaims that anyone afraid to go through with his scheme should step forward; of course the Monkees do, but quickly retreat when told they’ll be dropped off in the middle of the ocean. I still don’t see why Frank and Harry needed to trap the boys into joining the crew for this. They didn’t really need inexperienced extra crewmen to rob the Queen Anne, did they?

The Monkees go back to their bunks to figure out how to stop the Captain from his crazy plan. Micky decides they should follow the Hollywood examples of Munity on the Bounty and Captain Queeg from The Caine Mutiny. Peter goes off to incite mutiny among the rest of the crew. Davy’s still skeptical so Micky convinces him with more references to the 1935 and 1962 versions of Mutiny on the Bounty, “How about, if Clark Gable and Marlon Brando can do it, we can do it?” The look that passes between them is pretty funny, looks like that line was made up too.

Peter whispers to everyone on deck, and you can see David Price and David Pearl are among the crew members. Micky gets up in front of the crew and calls the Captain out on deck. He asks the Captain to turn over his sword, and when he refuses, Micky orders the men to “seize him.” No one moves. Micky asks what Peter said to the men? Turns out it was a general “mrm mrmmmr mer” Davy and Peter deny being part of any mutiny, but Frank identifies them as being with Micky. The Captain orders them all to walk the plank. Horace sits on the Captain’s arm during this bit and he does his own thing, chewing something off the captain’s jacket.

Standing on the plank, quick-thinking Micky stalls by warning that if they jump in, the Captain will never know “the secret.” The Captain almost bites, but Peter ruins it by asking, “Hey guys, what is the secret?” The crew is distracted from drowning the Monkees when the Queen Anne approaches. They turn away from the Monkees and prepare the cannons to attack the other ship. Harry and the Captain crack me up with their little argument about when to fire.

The Monkees decide to save the Queen Anne. This action forms the romp to “Daydream Believer” (Stewart). The Monkees steal the cannons and there’s sword fighting, rope swinging, and pistols. A couple of fun moments include Micky and Peter’s mirror-image eye patch, and Peter driving pirates away with his guitar playing. In the end, the Monkees finally drop a net on the Captain and his men. After the fight, the Captain of the Queen Anne congratulates the Monkees for saving the ship, the gold, and the passengers. A bell keeps ringing and Davy comments on it. Davy Jones mentions in the commentary that the bell wasn’t part of the episode it was actually ringing on some other ship. The captain ignores him and announces they are all First Mates of the ship. Who’s the Captain? It’s Horace the parrot, of course.

Last up is a lip-sync performance of “Star Collector” (Goffin/King), the version of the song that utilizes a Moog synthesizer. Davy Jones mentions the Moog in the commentary and states that Micky owned one of the first existing models. The inventor of the machine, Robert Moog, brought it to the recording session and they played it for this song. In the clip, the Monkees are all in white turtleneck sweaters. It looks like someone made Mike a matching hat, but he never wears it, it just sits on a stand in the front. It’s all very psychedelic with trippy lights, colors, and fast editing. Micky has giant drumsticks and at one point, Mike grabs one to mimic his guitar playing.

This was never a favorite of mine but, paying closer attention for this recap, I discovered some things to appreciate. There are some laugh-out-loud bits, and there’s a storyline that works on that “good clean fun” level. The rugged sailors, Captain, Harry, and Frank, add a believable touch to the fantasy. The episode moves along quickly and is fun and entertaining. On the downside, there’s not as much subversive or Monkees-like humor. It’s almost as though any comic actors from any situation comedy of the time could have made the same episode. It was fun to play the episode with commentary, hearing Davy Jones point out various moments. Clearly he remembered it fondly and had some fun working on the show overall. The three Monkees that are in the episode look like they had a good time, which is always nice. As Davy Jones said, it’s still “bright and light and kind of fun.”

by Bronwyn Knox

Every couple of weeks, “Monkees vs. Macheen” examines the crazy, spirited, Ben Franks-type world of the Pre-Fab Four: David Jones, Micky Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, and Peter Tork alias The Monkees.