Monkees vs. Macheen: “Monstrous Monkee Mash”

“What an episode! I’ve never felt this way before!”

Boo! Welcome to the recap for “Monstrous Monkee Mash.” The name is a tribute to the novelty song, “Monster Mash,” written by Bobby Pickett and Leonard L. Capizzi, released in 1962. In that song, Bobby Pickett imitates Boris Karloff and tells the story of a mad scientist, whose monster rises up from the slab and creates a new dance sensation. Micky did his own Boris Karloff impression in “A Coffin Too Frequent.”

I have mentioned that I love these spooky themed-episodes, which would include “Monkee See, Monkee Die,” “I Was a Teenage Monster,” “The Case of the Missing Monkee,” “A Coffin Too Frequent,” and this one. The plot for “Monstrous Monkees Mash” is nothing special, but there are some unusual moments, editing tricks, and some other self-referential jokes. And of course it’s packed with pop-culture allusions. “Monstrous Monkee Mash” first aired January 22, 1968 and the opening credits tell us the director was James Frawley and writers were Neil Burstyn and David Panich.

The episode creeps in with a shot of the same spooky house used for the exterior shots in “Monkee See, Monkee Die,” but this time includes a flash of lightning effect. Lorelei, played by the gorgeous Arlene Martel (She was also Madame in “The Spy Who Came in from the Cool.”), leads Davy into the mansion library. She’s wearing all black, white face powder, and blood red lips. I had no idea Davy liked the Vampira type. A spooky but fun score accompanies this scene and the entire episode. Davy compliments the painting of the green-skinned vampire, which is clearly a real person standing in a frame. He goes over to the little toy bat on the desk and pulls its string. “I want to drink your blood,” says the bat in James Frawley’s voice. Davy wants to get the hell out of there, but Lorelei places a large gold necklace around his neck and kisses him. (It would have been fun if it had been the same “magic locket” from “Fairy Tale”.) There’s a “pop” sound, and Davy’s hypnotized!

The Count steps out of the painting and reveals their plan: Davy will become Dracula reborn. They express their excitement with evil laughter. Bwha-ha-ha ha! This episode is a tribute to the Universal Studios movie monsters from the classic horror and sci-fi films made in the 1920-1950s, featuring the iconic Dracula, Frankenstein, The Mummy, The Wolf Man, The Invisible Man, and others. These also included comedies, such as Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein and Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy, etc. Abbott and Costello were an influence on The Monkees comedy style. Lon Chaney Jr., who was a guest star in “The Monkees in a Ghost Town,” starred in nearly 20 of these films and was Universal’s lead monster movie actor in the 1940s. His father, Lon Chaney, was in the two films that began this phenomenon, The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1923) and The Phantom of the Opera (1925).

At the Monkee’s house, Mike, Micky, and Peter notice that Davy isn’t back from visiting his new girlfriend yet. Mike calls Lorelei’s number but all they get is an earful of evil laughter. Mike comes to the conclusion they need to go help Davy. Peter and Micky have a better idea; they hide under a blanket.

Back at the mansion, the count gives Davy lessons on being a vampire, including making him drink tomato juice to “get used to the color.” Davy’s feelings are summed up as, “Blood, bleh!” He gives Davy a Dracula cape, and Davy flies around, suspended on obvious black wires until he crashes into the wall. Peter, Mike, and Micky show up at the scary mansion and pull a large doorbell rope that’s an homage to the bell the Addams family pulled to summon Lurch. (You rang?) The Count and Lorelei invite them in, and then they leave the Monkees alone in the library and pop into the picture frame to eavesdrop.

Now, we get to the trippiest scene in the episode, thanks to the editing. There’s a random behind-the-scenes moment of Micky showing the director his medium and small “scare.” Mike finds the book on how to become a vampire. Peter takes a look and carries on about how he’s sure he’s seen the vampire pictured in the book before. (The audience can see it’s the Count.) The Count figures that Peter’s not-so-sharp brain is perfect for “the monster.” Micky flusters Mike with a comically self-centered panic attack, thinking the book applies to him personally. Throughout all this, there’s lots of quick cuts to the pictures of the Count in the book and various shots of the actual count, using the very fast editing style that they used in “Monkees on the Wheel,” “Monkees Watch Their Feet,” and “The Frodis Caper.” Besides making me dizzy, these quick cuts make the scene a standout. With just the dialogue and action alone, it wouldn’t be as interesting.

That would have been a very creepy Morticia Addams-type line to say, but with Peter’s delivery it’s adorable instead. Mike catches on that the Count is the same as the vampire in the book. He pulls Micky and Peter close to tell them his plan. Lorelei gets a pen and notebook to spy from inside the portrait. Mike suggests they act like everything is fine, while Peter goes to search the house. Peter quite wisely doesn’t want to, so Mike and Micky go to search the house, squeezing through the library door Stooges-style.

In the basement of the mansion, Davy is chained to the wall while he chats with The Wolfman, played by Monkees stand-in David Pearl. Davy convinces The Wolfman he’s being treated badly by the other monsters. In a cute reference to the Universal monster movies, Davy points out that the Wolf Man made over 30 movies with Dracula and never even got second billing. The wound-up Wolfman growls and menaces Lorelei when she enters the basement, so Davy translates his demands, “He wants a better percentage of the profits, he wants cook-outs on weekends, and he wants to play his own music.” Nice meta-comment on that last demand.

Lorelei pops into the library with Peter and they repeat the same “What a kiss!/It’s not my kiss, it is the necklace!” dialogue from earlier, and now he’s hypnotized. The Wolfman enters and wants to carry Peter off, so The Count distracts him with his “magic powers”– hot dogs on a string. “I love hot dogs!” declares the Wolf Man. So dumb, yet so funny. The Count and Lorelei lead Peter away for a good old fashioned brain swapping. This didn’t work out so well for the mad scientist in “I Was a Teenage Monster.”

Mike looks around the mansion while Micky holds his hand and crouches over like a little kid. The Mummy approaches them but instead of fearing him, they admonish him for being so dirty. Suddenly scared again, Micky makes a selfish suggestion to forget Davy and form a trio. They go back to the library and find Peter’s also missing (He’s gone!). Micky’s already moved on to forming a duo, and if Mike vanishes he’ll go solo. He sings, “Here I come, walking down the street…I get the funniest looks…”

Mike and Micky tiptoe around the hallway, unaware that the Wolfman is following them. Mike finds a “secret door” and excitedly walks through it. Micky turns around to tell The Wolfman “You oughta get a haircut, they won’t let you into Disneyland.” He realizes he’s talking to a monster and runs back into the library. Micky performs a classic Monkees-scramble to fast music, piling furniture against the door to keep the Wolfman out. Lorelei appears and the two of them repeat the kiss/necklace joke for the third time, until he gets to “What a necklace!” and Lorelei cuts him off with, “Oh, shut up.” [Cute. – Editor’s Note] Nice crescendo for that repeated gag. Lorelei tells the Wolfman he can have Micky. The Wolfman opens the door out so the furniture was never blocking his access to the library. Hee hee.

In the basement, Mike is impressed with the level of creepiness until he realizes he’s alone. He opens the sarcophagus and finds the Mummy. Creeped-out but still polite, he apologizes, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know this was occupied” and runs back upstairs to hide in the library portrait. Lorelei and The Count enter and start discussing their plans so Mike spies on them this time, using Lorelei’s pen and notebook. The ghoulish family intends to take Peter to the underground crypt with the monster and put his brain into the body of the Monster. They keep mixing up whose brain is going where, until Mike finally has to break out and ask for an eraser. The Count obliges. Heh.

Downstairs, Micky and Davy are both chained to the wall and they worry about their future as monsters. They fantasize about what it will be like and pop into Dracula/Wolfman costumes. Davy does a passable Transylvanian accent while Micky’s wolf man sounds like iconic disc jockey Wolfman Jack. Davy thinks they need a girl so he can bite her neck. Micky howls to attract a female, and Monkees extra Valerie Kairys answers his call.

Unfortunately for Davy, The Count interrupts them before any biting occurs. They’re confused about what he’s doing since it’s their “typical Monkees fantasy sequence,” and they analyze that part of the show for him, as Mike analyzed the tag sequence in “Monkees on the Wheel.” Basically, in a Monkees fantasy sequence, they’re in control and allowed to be and do whatever they want. The Count lays it out for them, “It seems this show is different!” He proves it by telling them to take off their makeup. They can’t! They break the fourth wall to call the makeup and prop department for help, but no one shows up. The Count is suddenly in a director’s chair with a cameraman nearby. He declares, “And I control you anytime I want to simply by thinking about it!” Thoroughly in charge, he orders the Wolfman to chain them back up and proceed with the operation. As the Count said, this show is different, and they’ve broken down and re-imagined their own format!

One thing about Ron Masak’s performance as the count: He shouts all of his lines. It’s over-the-top, even for The Monkees. My guess is that he’s doing an imitation of the television “Horror Host,” the kind that presents old horror films and makes jokes in between commercial breaks. This is a television trend that started when Screen Gems licensed 52 Universal horror films in 1957 and encouraged the use of hosts for the nationally-syndicated program, Shock Theater. Examples of hosts would be Vampira, Zacherley, Elvira, and, more recently, Svengoolie.

Here comes Mike to the rescue. But first he performs some awesome physical comedy. He gets to the basement steps, sneaking around in the most obvious way possible. Once he’s confident there’s no one around, he starts in with the manly strut and…he falls down the stairs. He hears the Count coming and hides in the sarcophagus with the Mummy. Cozy!

The Count gets ready for the brain transfer and breaks the fourth wall to mention the obvious fake backdrop behind him. Funny, I was thinking the same thing. It’s nice that it occurred to them their audience was observant. Mike sneaks out of the sarcophagus wearing the Mummy’s bandages. The Count calls on the Mummy-man for assistance, so Mike pretends to be the Mummy, shouting “Mummy!” at the Wolfman. The Count begins the operation, while Mike does his best Igor impression. The Count holds up and identifies a tool as a scalpel. Mike corrects him that it’s a bone chisel and, “it’s used to split!” He grabs the operating table with “Peter” on it and proceeds to “split.” Bad pun, but funny anyway.

Mike wheels “Peter” into the dungeon and frees Micky and Davy from the wall chains. The Count catches on that Mike tricked him, but Lorelei gleefully reminds him they still “control the others” with their thought waves. The Count summons Micky, who “attacks” by gnawing on Mike’s hand. This is a call back gag to “Don’t Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth” when Micky turned into a werewolf, and Mike salted his hand and offered it to him. Next, the Count uses his powers to make Davy bite Mike’s neck. This is getting weird; everyone stop snacking on Mike!

Mike tries to wake Peter for help, but of course Mike has taken the monster, and Peter’s still with the Count. Lorelei reminds the Count that he has the switch that activates the monster. I love Arlene Martel’s sexy/scary Morticia-esque performance in this episode. The Count throws the switch, commenting, “Do you realize the last time I did this, New York went out!” This ignites the romp to “Goin’ Down” (Dolenz, Jones, Tork, Nesmith, and Hildebrand). Monsters and Monkees dance and run around. The best part is Micky-as-Wolfman and the Wolfman fight over a fire hydrant. Ha. The most pointless part is old footage from the first season of The Monkees where the boys jump over a pool in front of the California Mountains.

This is a silly and cheesy but still fun episode. Despite the lack of originality, I can’t dislike something so hilarious, even the dumbest jokes land. This one certainly slides by on style over substance. The guest cast was a scream (pun intended); the Monkees were all charming and funny. The set decoration, the spooky yet bouncy background score, and the mood lighting are perfect, giving it just the right horror movie tribute feel. This is creepy-cute well before Tim Burton, though it obviously owes a lot to The Munsters and The Addams Family. While “Monstrous Monkee Mash” doesn’t have the social commentary factor of “The Monkees Watch Their Feet,” or the hipness of “The Frodis Caper,” it is worth mentioning with those other two because of the comic self-awareness, cool editing tricks, and variations on the traditional Monkees episodes.

David Pearl, who is hilarious in “Monstrous Monkee Mash,” got a credit at the end as the Wolfman, though this is far from his first appearance on The Monkees. Find a complete list of David Pearl’s appearances here.

by Bronwyn Knox

Every couple of weeks, “Monkees vs. Macheen” examines the crazy, spirited, Ben Franks-type world of the Pre-Fab Four: David Jones, Micky Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, and Peter Tork alias The Monkees.

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Vintage Cable Box: “It Came From Hollywood”, 1982

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“You see?  You see?  Your stupid minds!  Stupid!  Stupid!”

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“It Came From Hollywood”, 1982 (Dan Aykroyd), Paramount Pictures

In a throwaway sketch straight out of “Kentucky Fried Movie” or Second City, Gilda Radner hears a report of an escaped Gorilla. She is instructed to lock her doors, shut her windows, extinguish all fires and above all, remain calm. She manages to destroy her house in the process of keeping herself safe. Gilda introduces and provides commentary for movies about lunatic gorillas, man from the jungle, giant monkeys, and robot-gorillas.

Dan Aykroyd is a soldier from another planet on a survey mission, scouting a destroyed Earth (actually it appears to be the Paramount backlot) and providing insight into silly low-budget (and some big-budget) movies about alien invasions, ranging from “Teenagers From Outer Space” to the original “War of the Worlds”, as well as something Aykroyd identifies as “Attack of the Pipe-Welders”.

Cheech & Chong go to the movies. Chong purchases a garbage-can sized bucket of popcorn. They watch “The Incredible Shrinking Man”, “The Amazing Colossal Man”, and “Attack of the 50 Foot Woman”. They also get away with some off-color humor and dirty puns. John Candy presents an affectionate (if snarky) tribute to the movies of Ed Wood. Gilda shows up again to show us some very cheap musicals, most of which I had never known about, which is astonishing to me. One clip of note is the enormously racist 1934 musical, “Wonder Bar”, complete with black-face minstrels and dancing slices of watermelon.

John Candy presents previews of coming attractions, where we get a taste of “The Hypnotic Eye”, “The Incredibly Strange Creatures (Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies)”, “House on Haunted Hill” with Vincent Price, and “I Married A Monster From Outer Space”. We get a few exploitation movies as well, like “Black Belt Jones” (Right on!) and “Mars Needs Women”.

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Dan Aykroyd’s Troubled Teenagers profiles movies like “High School Hellcats”, hilarious morality plays about venereal disease and teenage pregnancy, and drug movies, “The Weird World of LSD” “Reefer Madness”, and “Marihuana” (I don’t know why it’s spelled like that either). Some of the material is repetitive, as in Cheech & Chong’s next segment, The Animal Kingdom Goes Berserk. Favorites of mine like “Son of Godzilla” and “The Beginning of the End” (with giant grasshoppers!) are featured. To complete the joke, Cheech & Chong smoke an enormous blunt.

“It Came From Hollywood” is in parts a tribute, a rebuke, an admonishment, and a document of bad movies, silly movies, terrible movies, as well as misguided filmmakers, atrocious performances, and crappy special effects. The headlining comedians offer zany commentary that serves as brilliant counterpoint to the often intentionally serious and unintentionally hilarious films featured in the movie. “It Came From Hollywood” was obviously an inspiration for Mystery Science Theater 3000, in which a human, stuck in space with his three loyal robots, is forced to “riff” on bad movies sent to him by a mad scientist and his henchman.

Though most of the humor is meant to pad out the running time, and is often, flat and cringe-worthy, I have a soft spot in my heart for “It Came From Hollywood”. I learned how to make movies (and more importantly, how not to make them) watching movies like this. There weren’t many compilation movies made in those times. The only other movie I can recall from that period was “Terror In The Aisles” featuring Universal Pictures horror movies like “Frankenstein” all the way up to “The Thing”.

Because of rights issues involving many of the films shown in “It Came From Hollywood” (over 100 titles!), the film was never released on DVD, so it is extremely hard to find, but it is (for now) available on YouTube. It was nice going back to this movie to be reminded of why I love movies. I don’t care how bad they are. I love movies. I miss Gilda and John.

Our first cable box was a non-descript metal contraption with a rotary dial and unlimited potential (with no brand name – weird). We flipped it on, and the first thing we noticed was that the reception was crystal-clear; no ghosting, no snow, no fuzzy images. We had the premium package: HBO, Cinemax, The Movie Channel, MTV, Nickelodeon, CNN, The Disney Channel, and the local network affiliates. About $25-$30 a month.  Each week (and sometimes twice a week!), “Vintage Cable Box” explores the wonderful world of premium Cable TV of the early eighties.