Vintage Cable Box: “To Be Or Not To Be, 1983”

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“Listen, if I don’t come back, then I forgive you for anything that happened between you and Lt. Sobinski.  But if I do come back, you’re in a lot of trouble!”

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To Be Or Not To Be, 1983 (Mel Brooks), 20th Century Fox

The story goes that Mel Brooks sought out the widow of Ernst Lubitsch to get her blessing with regard to a remake he wanted to produce for 1941’s Jack Benny classic, To Be Or Not To Be.  Lubitsch’s widow approved, and Brooks chose Alan Johnson (celebrated choreographer of many films including The Producers from 1968 and director of the notorious Brooksfilms flop, Solarbabies) to direct the film.  I can only assume Brooks decided not to direct because he wanted to focus on producing a faithful remake of a film with potentially controversial subject matter, and stay true to the dramatic material. In fact, this movie (and The Twelve Chairs) is as close to drama as Brooks would ever permit.

Brooks (with wife Anne Bancroft) play Frederick and Anna Bronski, reknowned actors (world famous in Poland!) and owners/operators of the Bronski Theater in Warsaw.  Despite warnings of imminent German incursion, Bronski reasons the show must go on; including a politically satirical musical number featuring a buffoonish Hitler (played by Bronski).  The Ministry of Information threatens to shut down his theater if he doesn’t remove the offending material.  Frustrated, he relents.  Meanwhile, Mrs. Bronski conducts a romantic affair with a brash, young Polish Lieutenant Sobinski (Tim Matheson) during Bronski’s center-piece, Highlights From Hamlet, in which he destroys Shakespeare with his hammy performances.

Soon after, the German war machine rolls into Poland.  Sobinski tells Anna he must leave immediately and connect with the Royal Air Force in England.  The Germans shut down Bronki’s theater, confiscate their possessions (including their home), implement gas rationing, and start rounding up dissidents and enemy agents.  The Bronskis reluctantly start hiding Jews in their basement.  Anna’s homosexual dresser, Sasha, opens his modest apartment to the Bronskis.  The brave Sobinski discovers that a respected member of the underground, Professor Selitski (José Ferrer), is a double-agent for the Germans.  Selitski acquires a list of Polish Underground members.  Sobinski is ordered by the British to paratroop back into Poland and kill Selitski.

Anna, in spite of her obvious infidelity, persuades her husband and his troupe of actors to help Sobinski.  First, Bronski must impersonate Colonel Erhardt in order to obtain the list from Selitski.  After Selitski is dispatched and the list is destroyed, Brooks masquerades as Selitski for the benefit of Colonel Erhardt (hilarious scene-stealing Charles Durning) and his bumbling assistant, Schultz (Christopher Lloyd).  Sobinski devises a plan to steal an aircraft and fly the Bronskis, the theater troupe, and all of the Jews (cleverly disguised as clowns) in hiding out of Warsaw to safety in England.

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This is such a fun film I have to admit I enjoyed it much more than the Jack Benny original that inspired it.  Film lovers in my age bracket respond more to Brooks than Benny.  Jack Benny, while a hilarious entertainer, was not in constant rotation on cable television in those days.  Even today (like Ernie Kovacs), it’s difficult to find a good portion of his surviving material.  When I was a kid, Mel Brooks was the king of comedy, and when To Be Or Not To Be debuted on cable, The Movie Channel ran a retrospective of his films.

What impresses me the most about To Be Or Not To Be (above the remake’s requisite respect for the original) is the very thin line the film negotiates between hilarity and pathos.  As an actor, this is Brooks’ strongest performance of all his movies.  In fact, all of the performances (particularly Bancroft) are on equal par.  These are a group of committed and energetic actors giving their all, and putting on a wonderful show.

Our first cable box was a non-descript metal contraption with a rotary dial and unlimited potential (with no brand name – weird).  We flipped it on, and the first thing we noticed was that the reception was crystal-clear; no ghosting, no snow, no fuzzy images.  We had the premium package: HBO, Cinemax, The Movie Channel, MTV, Nickelodeon, CNN, The Disney Channel, and the local network affiliates.  About $25-$30 a month.  Each week (and sometimes twice a week!), “Vintage Cable Box” explores the wonderful world of premium Cable TV of the early eighties. 

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BlissVille Fridays: “The Name’s Plissken” and “This World Is Not So Luscious”

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Tonight, we have a Friday the 13th doubleheader, a two-fer, two for the price of one. Batteries not included. Local restrictions apply. Some parts may not exist. Offer not available in Utah or Puerto Rico. Smaller than shown! Money back guarantee! Act now! Buy bonds!

We start with a topic very near and dear to our hearts: the just-announced remake/reboot of John Carpenter’s classic 1981 science-fiction film, “Escape From New York”.

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“Snake Plissken will be heading back to the big screen! Deadline reports today that 20th Century Fox has won the remake rights to John Carpenter’s enduring action thriller, Escape From New York. What’s more, Carpenter himself is set to serve as executive producer!  Set in a dystopic future, the 1981 original original stars Kurt Russell as Plissken, an eyed-patched convict sent into a maximum security prison (formerly the island of Manhattan) to rescue the President.  Carpenter directed his own sequel to the original, Escape From L.A., in 1996, although that film is decidedly less-beloved by fans of the original.”

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The next subject is so psychotically divisive among people right now, we had to discuss it while it was still hot. Andrew and I have differing theories, but we do exercise common sense, and because of that, I think you’ll agree this is an angry but thoughtful discussion. Tonight we give you the ice cream before the medicine and we hope it all goes down easy.

“More measles cases have been found in California, health officials said Friday. Figures released by the California Department of Public Health showed there are now 91 confirmed cases in the state, up from 79 on Wednesday. Of those, 58 infections have been linked to visits to Disneyland or contact with a sick person who went there. Half a dozen states and Mexico also have recorded measles cases connected to Disneyland. The outbreak, which originated at Disney theme parks last month, is spreading to the broader community.”

Business Insider

As of this new post, the total cases has gone to 107.

When you refuse to vaccinate your child on philosophical grounds, you are using your personal philosophy in a way that will affect a community. If one child comes home with a bad case of the measles, that’s normal. It can happen. Vaccines are not one-hundred percent effective. Nothing is! But if 91 kids come home with a bad case of the measles, that is your fault. You have, unwittingly, created an epidemic.

Questions? Comments? blissville1870@gmail.com